If you’re like me (and like most people), you find selfishness in other people to be a real turn off.
But if we’re honest, very few of us are naturally self-less. Every day, I fight selfishness.
If you’re driven and even a little bit ambitious like I am, you have to be doubly careful.
Why?
Because when selfishness and ambition move into the same room together the combination is deadly.
Selfish ambition is centered around what you can get FROM a person, a place, or a situation, rather than focusing on what you can give TO it.
Left undealt with, it’ll harm:
- Your family
- Your faith
- Your team
- Your character
And almost everything else in your life.
So you have to deal with it. Ruthlessly.
The reality is most of us aren’t exactly sure how selfish we are.
How can you know? Believe it or not, it’s not that difficult to find out.
Note: This article was updated and republished on December 14, 2023
It Starts Innocently Enough
Most of us secretly want to be better known, valued and appreciated than we are. That’s not entirely bad, and it’s part of a natural human longing that comes from our sin and desire for a restored relationship with God, others and even ourselves.
For some of us, the desire to be known or appreciated extends only to a wider relational circle.
For others, it’s more public. We long to be better known in our ministry, in our company, to see our product selling, our album get recorded, our blog get traction or to find ourselves thousands of Twitter followers or Facebook friends.
If we were to pry behind the secret motivation…we think that would make us feel ‘successful’…as though we matter.
I know I’ve struggled with this over the years.
When I was starting out in ministry, I wanted to be that guy who spoke at conferences and was well respected as a leader in ministry. I never talked about that kind of thing publicly or privately, but if you were to gain access to my sinful mind, the thought spun around in my head from time to time.
God 1, Me 0 (How God Snapped My Will)
Then in a season of my life over a decade ago, God wrestled that down. Well, that’s putting it nicely. He snapped my ambition.
He took me to a place where I realized that as much as I didn’t want to admit it even to myself, much of my motivation was selfish and not God-honouring. I finally surrendered it to him after a painful wrestling match.
In my struggles with God, God brought me to a point where I could see myself serving as an effective pastor in the middle of nowhere without ever anyone knowing who I was. I didn’t really want that definition of success. But I embraced it anyway.
As best I could, I surrendered my ambition to God. I gave in. (Kind of foolish that we resist giving into God, isn’t it? But we do.)
I’m so grateful I had that painful encounter with God.
Left unchecked, selfish ambition turns servants of God into servants of themselves.
Left unchecked, selfish ambition turns servants of God into servants of themselves. Click To Tweet12 Ways Selfish Ambition Damages a Leader’s Soul (And What Happens When You Give It Up)
I’ve come to enjoy the slow death of selfish ambition in my life. It’s not complete, but it’s in progress. Here’s what I’m learning and (now) loving about the difference.
These 12 things are true when you’re motivated by selfish ambition:
1. Your personal sense of worth goes up and down with the opportunities ahead of you.
When you’re motivated by God, your value is solidly found in Christ every day.
2.Failure is terrifying.
When you’re motivated by God, failure becomes an opportunity for grace and growth.
3. You think you’re the deal.
When you’re motivated by God, you know that He’s the deal.
4. You use people to get you where you want to go.
When you’re motivated by God, you value people as you go.
5. You take the credit.
When you’re motivated by God, you realize how much God and the people around you deserve the credit.
6. You strive for breadth of exposure.
When you’re motivated by God, you focus on depth in your walk and let God determine the breadth of exposure he gives you.
7. You are always thinking about the next thing.
When you’re motivated by God, you’re always thinking about what God wants to accomplish in your life today.
8. You’re always comparing yourself to others.
When you’re motivated by God, you begin to celebrate what God is doing through others.
Selfishness moves you to compare yourself to others. God moves you to celebrate others. Click To Tweet9. It’s hard to say no to any opportunity.
When you’re motivated by God, it’s easier to say yes to balance and priorities.
10. You feel entitled to any success that comes your way.
When you’re motivated by God, you feel grateful and that what has happened is beyond deserving.
11. The need to win is greater than the need to love.
When you’re motivated by God, the need to love is greater than the need to win.
12. You are always insecure.
When you’re motivated by God, your security comes from His steadfast love.
When you're motivated by selfish ambition, the need to win is greater than the need to love. Click To TweetI’m so grateful for these learnings. The journey isn’t over yet, but I’m glad it’s underway.
The ironic part of this story is that a year or so after God broke me on this issue, I got a call from a major church to speak at a conference in front of thousands of people. When I got the call, I was a bit blown away, but it didn’t mean what it would have meant a year or two earlier. I could hold it loosely.
It was an opportunity for the Kingdom, not just for me.
Ironically, I’ve had more opportunities to do what I used to dream of doing than I ever did before God broke me. But I don’t accept all of them – and those I do, I hold more loosely than ever before. And when they’re over, I’m not ‘fulfilled’. Increasingly I’m just grateful that I had the opportunity to help in some way.
