NYT bestselling author, Jennie Allen, opens up about the struggle she’s had with friendships over the years, what to do when you naturally resist community, and explains how to find people you can trust and do life with.
Welcome to Episode 477 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.
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Find Your People by Jennie Allen
Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen
Made For This podcast with Jennie Allen
At Your Best by Carey Nieuwhof
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Insights From Jennie
1. We’re hardwired to live in close-knit networks of friends and family
Within the scope of human history, our generation is one of the few since the Industrial Revolution that doesn’t live in a village-like existence. In the past, you depended on your tribe for community and survival.
The modern world, in contrast, has made us more autonomous and safer, but it’s also stripped us of the existential necessity for close-knit community. But though we may not need each for survival, we still have an emotional, psychological and spiritual need for close friends and fellowship.
2. Everyone is probably lonelier than you think
Heavily-curated social media profiles will lead you to assume that “everyone is hanging out without you,” but the truth of the matter is that everyone you know is probably struggling with loneliness and isolation—especially in the past couple of years.
Unfortunately, the ways in which Western society is designed doesn’t lend itself to a life-sustaining community. 80% of the world lives in a village-like environment, and the bulk of modern society is living a lifestyle at odds with our “programming.”
3. Good friendships hinge on a combination of 5 key factors
In her new book, Find Your People, Jennie Allen breaks down the five practical ingredients you need to have the type of friends you’ve always longed for. According to Jennie, most people need at least 3-4 of these factors for a friendship to be successful and life-giving.
The five ingredients include:
- Proximity—the geographic closeness two individuals live from each other
- Vulnerability—the ability to be open and honest with one another
- Accountability—the willingness to lovingly call each other out
- Mission—a shared calling or philosophy for living
- Consistency—the commitment to stay when life becomes difficult
Quotes from Episode 477
At our core, we are communal. It's not something we do, it's something we are. @JennieAllen Click To TweetPeople are the best parts of life, and they're the worst parts of life. @JennieAllen Click To TweetWe've gotten too good at boundaries and not good enough at good friendships. @JennieAllen Click To TweetYou will not heal without people in your life. You will not heal alone in your head. @JennieAllen Click To TweetI've learned to say out loud the thing I fear. @JennieAllen Click To TweetEverybody listening needs to come to terms with the fact that if they are not talking about how they feel, even if it feels small, then they are increasingly getting more unhealthy by the minute. @JennieAllen Click To TweetRead or Download the Transcript for Episode 477
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Next Episode: Bob Lotich
SeedTime founder, Bob Lotich, had a life-changing moment at age 20 where he found himself completely out of money with a broken down vehicle in the middle of the road. Out of that, he created a profitable online business on how to handle money as he learned a new approach to money himself. He talks about how he built his company, finding an audience in the already-crowded personal finance space on the internet, and why John Wesley’s mantra to, “Earn all you can, save all you can and give all you can,” is still a solid one today.
Subscribe for free now so you won’t miss Episode 478.
