New York Times bestselling author Jon Acuff interviews Carey and Toni Nieuwhof about their relationship, how it almost crumbled under the weight of life and leadership, how they made it through, the best advice to struggling couples and on the insights Toni gained from her years practicing as a divorce attorney.
Toni shares insights on helping couples get through their hard times amicably from her new book, Before You Split: Find What You Really Want For the Future of Your Marriage.
Welcome to Episode 390 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.
Plus, in this episode’s What I’m Thinking About segment, Carey shares insights into making it three decades in marriage.
Guest Links
Jon Acuff on Twitter | Toni Nieuwhof on Instagram | Toni’s Website
Episode Links
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CONVERSATION LINKS
Before You Split by Toni Nieuwhof
The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron
20 Honest Insights on Making it to 30 Years in Marriage by Carey Nieuwhof
Patrick Lencioni’s Working Genius Assessment
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INSIGHTS FROM TONI AND CAREY
1. Many couples end up regretting their divorce after going through the whole process
Staying married is extremely difficult for many couples, and that’s why divorce looks so appealing. During her time as a divorce attorney, many couples ended up telling Toni, “If I’d only known then what I know now, I would have worked harder to try to save my marriage.” So, if you are considering divorce, you might regret not trying everything you can to save your marriage.
2. The pandemic has polarized marriages, good or bad
The COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc on so many people’s lives, but the jury is out on whether it has actually led to more divorces or not. Toni is noticing that marriages that were okay or good before the pandemic are mostly getting better. But, marriages that were struggling are actually getting worse.
3. Culture causes marriages significant damage by creating expectations that aren’t true or realistic
Your expectations going in could make or break your marriage. If you go in expecting a marriage that looks like everyone else’s Instagram accounts, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you want your marriage to thrive, expect to have to work, sacrifice and struggle as a team.
Quotes from Episode 390
As a divorce lawyer, people sometimes said to me, 'If I'd only known then what I know now, I would have worked harder to try to save my marriage.' @ToniNieuwhof Click To Tweet Your emotions catch up to your obedience. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet Marriage is a team approach, where you are both looking to support each other's goals, aspirations, and the things that have to happen around the home. @ToniNieuwhof Click To Tweet Almost every person I talked to believed that their spouse was mainly the one to blame for the depth of their problems. @ToniNieuwhof Click To Tweet You are going to build a closer connection with your spouse if you can accept and validate their emotions and not dismiss them. @ToniNieuwhof Click To Tweet Marriage is not easy, but it's worth it. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet Love is a decision, not an emotion. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet You're not always going to feel like doing the loving thing, but if you do it, great things happen. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet Don't make tomorrow's decisions based on today's emotions. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet Make big decisions on a good day, not on a bad day. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet Don't put pressure on your spouse that only God can bear. @cnieuwhof Click To TweetRead or Download the Transcript for Episode 390
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Get Before You Split Now!
“I didn’t sign up for this!”
“I can’t do this anymore!”
“That’s it – I’m done!”
Ever said or thought these things? Or, are you feeling disconnected, like you’re drifting apart?
For practical help on how to find what you really want for the future of your marriage, get Toni’s newest book, Before You Split today.
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Next Episode: Patrick Lencioni
Patrick Lencioni noticed that no matter how long or how well a leader leads, some things continue to frustrate almost every leader. Pat and his team came up with a new assessment called Working Genius designed to help every leader figure out what energizes and what drains them, and where their best contribution comes from. Pat explains all six types of Working Genius and how to use the insights to best position yourself and your team.
Subscribe for free now so you won’t miss Episode 391.
