New York Times bestselling author, Lysa TerKeurst, returns to the podcast to explore forgiveness, an issue so many leaders struggle with.
Every time someone leaves, criticizes you, betrays you or otherwise harms you, how do you forgive? Should you forgive? And, how do you set boundaries that keep you and others healthy?
Welcome to Episode 379 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.
Plus, in this episode’s What I’m Thinking About segment, Carey talks about how forgiveness works in leadership.
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INSIGHTS FROM LYSA
1. When you find yourself getting hysterical, it’s historical
Have you ever woken up and had a great morning but then, a random bit of irritation or criticism hits you, and it completely destroys your good mood? Maybe you thought you preached a great sermon but had a few extra painful complaints from the audience after, or a few staff members gave you more negative feedback than you expected.
Why are little things like that able to completely hijack your mood so quickly? Lysa has learned that when she gets hysterical, it’s a historical issue. So, when something gets her unusually angry, it’s usually not the thing happening to her in that moment, but something in her past that’s resurfacing.
The same thing happens to you, and if you want to overcome it, you need to work through those historical wounds.
2. Why “forgive and forget” is bad advice
In preparation for writing her new book, Lysa interviewed people in focus groups about what they believed about biblical forgiveness. One of the most common things she heard was that the bible teaches us to “forgive and forget,” and that we, as Christians, should be able to do that without issue. Through 1,000+ hours of biblical study for this project, Lysa was able to find that “forgiving and forgetting” isn’t actually biblical.
She found that biblical forgiveness is us remembering what happened to us, amd rather than using it as a crutch or a weapon, we should use it as a testimony. When this happens, we aren’t focused on what happened but much more focused on the wisdom and life lessons that come from that pain.
3. Forgiveness isn’t about your emotions…it’s about cooperating with God
Early on in her journey, Lysa had a wrong view of forgiveness. She thought forgiveness was her bossing her feelings around or trying to conjure up enough spiritual maturity to grit her teeth and say, “I forgive you.”
But, she quickly realized that her ability to forgive was, and is, not based on her determination. She realized that her ability to forgive is based on her cooperation with what God has already done through the blood of Jesus.
The same is true for you. Your emotions are probably not able to forgive everyone who’s wronged you. But, when you cooperate with the forgiveness that Jesus has already given you, and is extending to that person that wronged you, you can begin to forgive them yourself.
Quotes from Episode 379
Looking for a key quote? More of a reader?
Read or download a free PDF transcript of this episode here.
A FEW OTHER STRATEGIES TO THRIVING IN THE MIDST OF CRISIS…
As hard as it is to admit, it’s just really hard to know how to lead in times like these.
Especially with so much future uncertainty.
While no one has all the answers, there is help and a strategy that can guide you, and I’d love to come alongside you.
To that end, join over 8000 leaders who have already jumped into my on-demand course, called How To Lead Through Crisis, that can help you lead your team, your church and yourself through the massive disruption.
The course is the gift from me and my team to you and leaders everywhere. In light of everything that’s going on, we decided to make it available 100% free.
Inside How To Lead Through Crisis, you’ll learn how to:
- Cultivate a non-anxious presence that inspires confidence and trust.
- Care for yourself so the crisis doesn’t break you.
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- Advance digitally to scale past physical barriers and grow your outreach.
- Lead your team and congregation remotely
While no one has all the answers in a crisis this big, in the course, I share the mindsets, habits, tools and strategies that I believe will help you lead through crisis to get you and the people you lead to a new (and better) future.
Subscribe for free and never miss out on wisdom from world-class leaders like Brian Houston, Andy Stanley, Craig Groeschel, Nancy Duarte, Henry Cloud, Patrick Lencioni, Francis Chan, Ann Voskamp, Erwin McManus and many others.
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Next Episode: Beth Moore
Beth Moore explains how she stays engaged on social media despite the controversies and challenges she gets, how she handles her critics, and shares some of the back story of her life and leadership and how she’s staying resilient over the long run.
Subscribe for free now so you won’t miss Episode 380.