Jennifer Kolari is a sought-after therapist, podcaster, author and consultant who specializes in how to deal with conflict in a way that not only de-escalates tension and deeply conflicted situations, but transforms them.
She explains the CALM technique she developed and how to make it a superpower working for you at work and at home.
Welcome to Episode 437 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.
Plus, in this episode’s Ask Me Anything About Productivity segment, Carey answers Kyla’s question about how to properly onboard new staff.
Have a question about productivity? Let Carey coach you. Leave your message here!
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Lids on generosity often become the barrier between the vision for your church and actually being able to fund that vision, and according to my conversation with Jim Sheppard, budgets really are one of the most obvious lids that I see out there, and that probably surprises some people.
Connect with Generis for a FREE discovery call to understand what lids on generosity may be hindering your church’s ministry impact and culture of generosity by going to generis.com/carey.
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Insights From Jennifer
1. You aren’t as rational of a being as you think you are
We tend to think that we humans are rational creatures. We aren’t. Everything in our life gets filtered through our brain’s security system before it hits the rational thinking part of our brain. This means that we have instinctive reactions before we have logical responses.
This causes many of our responses at work and at home to be based on instinct rather than reason. If you want to find ways to become a better boss, spouse and parent, you need to find ways to push against that instinct.
2. What we call “negative emotions” aren’t actually negative emotions
We, as a culture, have demonized negative emotions like anxiety and stress. But Jennifer teaches that anxiety, stress and many other stress responses aren’t actually a bad thing. Those negative emotions are information that your brain is receiving and responding to.
3. The C-A-L-M method will give you a superpower when dealing with conflict
The CALM method is a way of deep listening using language, compassion and empathy literally as medicine. It will soothe and calm AND bring both participants in the conversation into brain-heart coherence.
Here’s a brief outline of the framework:
C – CONNECT
A – AFFECT
L – LISTEN
M – MIRROR
For a full explanation of the method, and a couple of examples on how to use it, listen to the full interview.
Quotes from Episode 437
Looking for a key quote? More of a reader?
Read or download a free PDF transcript of this episode here.
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Next Episode: Pete Scazzero
Pete Scazzero returns to the podcast to talk about the reasons so many pastors fail, how your platform can easily outgrow your character, and how to develop an interior life that will help you lead a healthy organization and life.
Subscribe for free now so you won’t miss Episode 438.