Clinical psychologist, leadership expert and NYT bestselling author, Dr. Henry Cloud returns to the podcast to give a virtual master class on how to handle the stress, anxiety and overwhelm of a year like 2020.
He gives practical strategies on preventing burnout, getting and staying healthier, preparing for the long run, how to battle back against negative thoughts and how to stop taking failure personally.
Welcome to Episode 353 of the podcast. Listen and access the show notes below or search for the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and listen for free.
Plus, in this episode’s What I’m Thinking About segment, Carey talks about why you don’t de-stress during your vacation and why time off never seems to be enough.
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The Global Leadership Summit
2020 has been a year like never before, so this year’s Global Leadership Summit will be a Summit like never before, provided both in-person and as an enhanced digital experience. With the theme “You Have Influence,” 2020 GLS includes more than 15 world-class faculty including Craig Groeschel, Nona Jones, Nike director Beth Comstock, Sadie Robertson Huff, Bishop T.D. Jakes and Lysa TerKeurst.
We have never needed more encouragement, inspiration and skills to navigate our world, and these top-notch speakers will address how we can each lead through crisis. GLS 2020 will be telecast live in HD from Chicago to hundreds of host locations across the country or online on August 6-7.
Podcast listeners get $20 off the individual ticket rate now through August 6th when you use the code: CAREYPODCAST at GlobalLeadership.org.
CDF Capital
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CONVERSATION LINKS
Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud
The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud
Boundaries for Leaders by Dr. Henry Cloud
Text CAREY 33777 to join more than 70,000 subscribers to our leadership content
Why Your Time Off Will Never Be Enough to Truly Destress You by Carey Nieuwhof
3 INSIGHTS FROM HENRY
1. Focus on controlling what you can control
In normal conditions, we often try to control things—people, circumstances, outcomes, etc. In this unusual time, life can feel especially out of control. When you lose control and you have fewer choices, your brain hits a shutdown mode, and it goes into a known place called learned helplessness. You start to think, “There’s nothing I can do.” That’s why people feel lethargic or can get into a daze. So, Henry says to focus on controlling what you can control.
So, what can you control? You can control yourself. Henry compares it to driving a car. If you’re driving in a snowstorm or rainstorm, that might make the car seem less controllable. The things you have control over are the steering wheel, the brakes, and the gas. And it might seem we’re in a snowstorm or rainstorm right now, and we can’t control the outcome, but what things about ourselves CAN we control?
2. The 3 P’s
When life does feel out of control, we can shut down. Henry says our brains interpret it as a power outage. And then there’s a power outage, we respond with the three P’s:
- We Personalize it
We feel bad, not good enough. We respond with, “Why did I ever think I could do that.” Or, “I should have done that differently.” - It becomes Pervasive
We say things like, “I bet next time it’s not going to be different.” Or, “I don’t know if we’re going to get better.” - We see it as Permanent
So, now hope is gone, and you’re done. And you can’t move, you don’t know what to do.
Henry tells us that we have to then reboot our system.
3. How to reboot your system
If you’re experiencing a loss of control, and you find yourself shutting down, Henry says there are four things we must do to reboot our system:
- Get connected in your vulnerability
When you connect with others and share deeply, you realize you are not alone. - Get back in control of what you can control
It’s what we talked about earlier. A simple practice you can do is to make two columns of things you can control and those things you cannot. And, focus on prioritizing the things you can. - Log your thoughts
Realize the negative thoughts you are having are not real thoughts. When your stress hormones go up, the brain emits negative thoughts, because stress hormones are by definition activating the system that fears. - Find some quiet time
Start thinking about your thinking. “Have I gotten negative? Have I gotten hopeless? Am I thinking in weird terms? Have I gone critical? Have I gone powerless?”Decatastrophize whatever’s going on so that you can see it in a larger narrative.
Quotes from Episode 353
Opportunity favors the prepared. @DrHenryCloud Click To Tweet Nobody rises to a challenge. You fall to your level of training. @DrHenryCloud Click To Tweet Margin gives you options. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet If you have a little bit of physical, emotional, financial, spiritual margin, you can spend it in a crisis. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet God has made you to be a control freak. He's wired your brain to be a control freak. @DrHenryCloud Click To Tweet There's things that happen incarnationally that don't happen digitally. @DrHenryCloud Click To Tweet Time off won't heal you when your problem is how you spend time on. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet A sabbatical isn't the solution for an unsustainable pace. A sustainable pace is the solution for an unsustainable pace. @cnieuwhof Click To Tweet Categorical decision making is a game-changer, because with one decision, you make so many other decisions in that moment. @cnieuwhof Click To TweetRead or Download the Transcript for Episode 353
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Next Episode: Jo Saxton
“You have one body, and your leadership lives in it.” Jo Saxton had a lot to overcome from her childhood, and it caused her to become a driven leader in her thirties. Eventually, her drivenness led her into a burnout so deep she ended up in the hospital. Jo not only recovered but figured out how to accomplish more by doing less. She explains how that happened and how to reduce the level of fear and anxiety your team experiences.
Subscribe for free now so you won’t miss Episode 354.
