5 Things Insecure Leaders Wrongly Believe
Ever notice that so many of the challenges you face as a leader happen in your mind?
Me too.
Why is that?
Well, so much of leadership is actually not a battle with others, it’s a battle with yourself.
And a good portion of that battle arises out of insecurity.
Barnabas Piper and Todd Adkins interview me for their 5 Leadership Questions podcast. You can listen here. This is Episode 113 (I was also a guest previously on Episode 80).
Barnabas and Todd asked me to comment on 5 lies leaders believe (especially church leaders).
The conversation was fascinating…as it mostly goes back to insecurity. And I thought it was worth a blog post.
Here are 5 lies leaders wrongly believe.
So much of leadership is actually not a battle with others, it's a battle with yourself. Share on X1. I must know everything about everything
This trips up so many leaders, and it was a tough one for me when I was starting out.
Most leaders who think they need to know everything feel that way because they know they don’t.
That insecurity can be paralyzing.
The funny thing is…when you fake an answer, people can tell you don’t know. Rather than gaining confidence in your leadership, your guesses, fake answers and ‘covering’ actually causes people to lose confidence in you.
One of the most glorious answers a leader can give is “I don’t know.”
Period.
You don’t need to be defensive.
Just look them in the eye, securely, and admit you don’t know. You don’t even need to go the uber-achiever route and say, “But I’ll find out.”
You might say “I don’t know, but what do you think?” Or “I don’t know, but I’m sure we have someone here who might. Let’s see.” Or you might just say “I don’t know.”
When you do that, you elevate the team. You actually build up the ability of others to contribute.
Frankly, I trust people who tell me the truth far more than people who cover their insecurity with guesses and partial knowledge.
5 Things Insecure Leaders Wrongly Believe Share on X2. I must be prominent and lead from the front
I think in the early days of leadership, most of us instinctively want to lead from the front.
Frankly, during the first decade of my leadership, I was too insecure not to.
But over the last decade, as I’ve become more comfortable with who I am and who I’m not, I’ve been able to do a better job leading more people than ever with less ‘up front’ time than ever.
In fact, in the last few years, I’ve been thinking constantly about what John the Baptist said: “He must become greater. I must become less.” Naturally, this applies to Christ, but I think it also applies to others.
That’s why I’m fixated on handing off our ministry at Connexus to the next generation… and that my role doesn’t always have to be front and centre.
Every church planter needs to ask this question: “Is what started with me going to end with me?”
The more secure you are, the easier that becomes to answer that with a no. I’m working on it. Hard.
So…if you want to build a ministry that endures, don’t build it around someone who will die.
If you want to build a ministry that endures, don't build it around someone who will die. Share on X3. I must prove myself constantly
Ask yourself this: to whom are you trying to prove yourself? To God? To others?
If it’s God, you’re already approved. That had something to do with a cross on a hillside out of Jerusalem two thousand years ago.
And we all know leaders (even Christian leaders) who are constantly trying to prove themselves.
You know what happens?
Leaders who try to prove themselves lose themselves. You actually never discover who you are because you’re not comfortable enough to look inside and discover what’s already there.
My favourite leaders are those who have developed a quiet confidence. They know what they’re good at and what they’re not, but they’re not loud about it. They consistently and humbly play to their strengths and have no difficulty admitting their weaknesses (see point 1).
If you can’t admit you’re wrong because you’re always trying to prove yourself, remember: People admire your strengths but resonate with your weaknesses.
When you can accurately (and even quietly) lead well and admit your mistakes, people trust you.
People admire your strengths but resonate with your weaknesses. Share on X4. My followers’ success is a threat to me
So many leaders feel threatened by the success of the people around them—even the people they lead.
Big mistake.
You shouldn’t feel threatened by the success of your followers. You should celebrate it.
A leader’s success is ultimately tied to the success of their followers.
Great leaders don’t build great platforms; they build great people.
Great leaders don't build great platforms; they build great people. Share on XSo how do you do that?
Well, start by murdering your insecurity.
Brian Houston had one of the best answers I’ve heard on this subject. When I interviewed him on my leadership podcast (you can listen to it here), I asked Brian how he’s managed to keep so much talent around him over the years.
I loved his response. He said, “You raise the ceilings.”
Raise the ceilings, and you’ll eventually be surrounded by giants.
If you want to learn more about developing a great leadership pipeline, the team at LifeWay Leadership (where Todd and Barnabas serve) has developed a number of resources to help you begin developing a generation of new leaders at your church.
A leader's success is ultimately tied to the success of their followers. Share on X5. I emphasize mission, vision and values enough
On the podcast, I said this one is perhaps the only statement of the five lies that doesn’t arise out of insecurity.
As I’ve thought about it further, now I’m not so sure.
You know what insecure people are? They’re self-focused.
Their needs end up trumping the needs of the organization.
And here’s the truth: you will get tired of casting vision, talking about the mission and celebrating values.
So the question becomes, do you do what you feel like doing or do you do what’s best for the mission?
Great leaders never only do what they feel like doing: they do what furthers the mission of the people they lead.
An insecure leader will flit from feeling to feeling. A secure leader will wake up and do what’s best, even if she thinks she’s done it 1000 times.
Secure leaders can focus on something bigger than themselves because they’re over themselves.
Secure leaders focus on something bigger than themselves because they're over themselves. Share on XGet effective strategies, build practical leadership skills, and grow faster — all in The Art of Leadership Academy.
The Art of Leadership Academy is a life-giving space to connect and grow with other church leaders... without the noise and distraction you get everywhere else online.
Our community and resources will help you grow and lead more effectively:
- Explore practical, thought-provoking insights about leadership, church growth, culture, and personal development with other leaders in the community.
- Learn with other leaders who are facing the same opportunities and challenges you are.
- Join in-depth discussions about each episode of the Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast and get exclusive insight you won't find anywhere else.
- Fast-track your growth with comprehensive online courses, workshops, and live coaching calls.
Join thousands of leaders growing together. Get started by creating a free account or learn more about The Art of Leadership Academy!
