15 Ways to Be a Kinder, More Positive Leader

Everyone loves a great boss.

And everyone loves to be led by a positive, kind, skilled leader.

But it seems few people think they are led by a leader like that.

The tone the leader sets is a major factor behind the reality that over 70% of people don’t like their jobs.

If you’re a leader, that’s got to hurt.

So…change that. Go be that positive, kind, skilled leader.

End of post. 

It would be great if it was that simple, wouldn’t it?

Being honest, one of the challenges associated with being the leader of an organization (in my case, a church I love) is that my mood tends to impact the organization’s mood.

That would be fantastic if my mood was always positive. But being human, that doesn’t happen every day.

Sometimes the pressure and weight of leadership preoccupies me. Add to that any personal space I might be in, and my mood can require work.

Kindness is an almost instant casualty of stress, at home and at work.

So how do you stay positive? How do you show kindness when your mood might move you in the opposite reaction?

Here are 15 actions and skills that depend less on emotion than they do on discipline:

1. Remember what is was like when you were a follower.

How did you like to be treated when you weren’t the leader? Remember that (remembering is a discipline), and then decide to treat people accordingly. This act of remembering can be a powerful motivator.

2. Take a personal interest in people.

Ask how their family is. Ask what they did on the weekend. A few questions can make a positive difference.

3. Say thanks. 

Whether you are leading a paid team or volunteer team, say thanks a lot. Most employees rarely get thanked but love it when they do. They can work for someone else you know.

4. Write personal notes of thanks.

Whether you include a specific thank you into an email you’re already sending, or write a hand-written thank you note, be sure you thank people regularly. Expressing gratitude actually makes you more grateful. And yep, this is a discipline for me. But one worthwhile.

5. Smile.

Smiling is sometimes a discipline. Even if you have to make yourself smile, it will ultimately make you feel better than when you don’t.

6. Look people in the eye.

It signals you care about them.

7. Get good at what you do. 

Increasing your skill level will make you like what you do more, but it will help your team respect you. You’ll feel more positive, but so will they.

8. Share some of your weaknesses.

You don’t need to share everything, but when you share a few things you might struggle with it goes a long way toward building trust and empathy. Moreover, you won’t feel as much pressure to put on a ‘show’ and they will feel less pressure to measure up to an impossible standard. This really helps.

9. Take time off. 

Yes, you’re the leader and you put in lots of hours. But having balance in your life creates a more balanced personality. All work and no play = stressed and dull.

10.  Have some fun. 

Many people don’t like their jobs because they are boring. We have done everything from trying to make origami without instructions, to road rallies, to going to the movies, to high ropes, to throwing themed parties for staff and volunteers. If people come to love where they work, they tend to work diligently. Laughter can really break the tension. We laugh a lot on our team, and it makes work a fun place to be.

11. Schedule margin. 

I struggle most when my schedule is back to back meetings. If I schedule breaks between meetings, time to get out to stretch my legs at lunch and some time between events, I show up more refreshed. You probably do too.

12. Celebrate wins. 

We try to start each meeting with what we call “wins” – how do we know we’re accomplishing our mission? This is a great discipline because often as a leader I only see the challenges ahead, not the victories that are happening. Most leaders have far more to be grateful for that they see in any given moment.

13. Think more about others than you think about yourself. 

If I go into meetings thinking about how I can help others, I do better than when I go into a meeting thinking about what I can get out of it. And others enjoy those meetings far more.

14. Get some help. 

I have used counselors in the past and I always have coaches and mentors building into me to help me see my blindspots and get better as a leader. They really help me work through my issues and grow a more positive spirit.

15. Pray about it. 

It’s kind of an assumption on this blog that the Christian leaders who read it are reading their bibles and praying, but just to make the implicit explicit, do pray about this. If you really struggle with mood, make sure you really pray about it. It’s not news to God, and God (and others) will be glad you are talking about it with Him.