Who do you admire?  I imagine that if you’re a preacher, you admire other preachers.  If you’re in kids ministry or student ministry, you’ve got a few leaders you follow. Graphic designers study and admire other graphic designers, musicians often follow other musicians. If you work in the marketplace, you admire other friends, colleagues or leaders in the field.

All of that is healthy.  To think there’s nothing to admire or learn from others is egotistical.

But sometimes admiring someone can lead you to want to be like them, or to be them, or – eek- even to be the next “them”.  Twitter, facebook, podcasts and this increasingly connected world make it so easy to watch someone else’s every move that I wonder whether some of us sometimes stop living our own lives and start living vicariously through others.

If you think that might be happening, here’s what to do: find a big red button and connect it to a loud buzzer and press repeatedly until you can’t stand it anymore and stop the behaviour.

Whenever I speak, write or lead, I feel the pressure to be better.  I listen to other speakers, watch other leaders and read other writers.  And once in a while I catch myself thinking “I wish I was __________” or “I wish I could be more like _________”.  This is when the stinkin’ loud buzzer should sound.  Right now.

Think about it…God will never hold you accountable for being someone he never created you to be.  He will not say “Carey, how come you weren’t more like Craig Groeschel or Andy Stanley?”  If God had wanted that, he would have made more Craig Groeschels and Andy Stanleys.   Good parents would never lay that pressure on their kids (“Hey, how come you’re not more like your friend Taylor?” – and those of you who had a parent who did that are wincing right now).  But sometimes we put that pressure on ourselves.

The only task before you (and me) is to take all the faith, talent, trust, ability and gifting God has given you and use it to be the best ‘you’ you can be.   God actually wants me to be more like Carey  - redeemed, forgiven and empowered Carey – but Carey still the same.  Ditto for you.

What will you be held accountable for?  Being ‘you’ in the context of the cross and tomb.  Nothing more. Nothing less.

So have the humility to learn from others, but then, go be you.  It’s the best gift you can give yourself, the best gift you can give God, and the best gift you can give the world.

So I’m going to share a little piece of my world with you today.

One of the hardest battles I face internally is related to my heart.  Like you, I’m most effective when my heart is fully engaged.

But over time, it takes work to keep your heart fully engaged.  It usually unfolds this way – starting out, you give your heart (to someone, something, some worthy cause) and at some point, you get stung.  People you trusted let you down.  People say nasty things. Sure, it wasn’t all their fault.  But regardless, it didn’t turn out as you expected. 

You soldier on.  You give your heart again, only to discover that people and life truly is a mixture of hope and disappointment. And somewhere in the process our hearts get damaged. 

The last three years (leaving a denomination and starting a church) have been incredibly rewarding in ministry but have also included the most challenging passages I’ve had to navigate. 

I found myself in a dialogue with God this fall asking Him to give me 100 passion for ministry.  I had a commitment to ministry, even an excitement over it.  But I felt my passion wasn’t where I longed for it to be.  Not sure everyone around me saw it, but I promise you inside I felt it.  I was puzzled.

I prayed about it and talked to a few people about it and then one night, I believe God showed me so clearly what the issue was – it was my heart. Having been stung a few times, I think it had quietly shrunk back – not wanting to be hurt again. It may have been 90% there, but 10% was hiding out in the back, cautious, reserved.

Late one night as I was praying with my wife and some friends, it was as though I heard God nudge me to say "I’m in, if you’re in."   It was a weird message, for sure.   Why would God not be "in"?  Maybe it was the nudge I need to get going.  Maybe it’s a reflection of God’s character – He usually partners with people and prefers not to do things alone (see 2 Corinthians 5). 

But I realized if God was in it, I had nothing to fear.  That what I need to do most is fully throw myself into this – every last ounce.  Every bit of this constantly-beating heart.

After all, don’t you love seeing someone whose heart is in it?  Whether it’s a hockey player, a chef, or a kid in a Christmas play, the people who bring their whole hearts to whatever they do are not only more interesting to watch, they are better people to follow and do life with.  They are fully alive.

So, here’s my heart.  It’s fully engaged.  I’m putting it out there every day. I know I’ll need to do that again, but I’m doing it now.

How about you?  Does your heart get banged around?  Does it shrink back after attack?  What do you need to throw your heart into: your marriage, your family, your ministry, your job?  God is in it, what’s keeping you back?  What would help you fully engage your heart?