#7 Living a Dual Life
Too many of us have different personas for different environments. We’re one way at home, one way at work, one way at school, one way at church, one way with friends, and in the end, we don’t know who we are.
I remember struggling with this a lot in my teens and twenties. I had a set of Christian friends and non-Christian friends and I was mostly a chameleon. Put me in a different environment and my colours changed.
I remember losing a lot of self respect in the process and sensing it was a real impediment in my relationship with God. So, I decided I wouldn’t play the game anymore. I spent a number of years figuring out who I authentically was (that takes a while), making a list in my mind of the things I wanted to stop doing and others I wanted to start doing, and then mustering up the courage to step into environments and face rejection because I didn’t always play along.
I’m always hesitant to say a struggle is in the "past", but since making the change I feel much more peace and like my life is aligned with a purpose worth the effort. I rarely have to worry about what I said or did because it really doesn’t matter who’s in the room or who saw what: I’m basically the same wherever I go. And that means people see my faults, not just my good side.
I’m relieved when I hear people say "One thing about Carey — what you see is what you get." I still don’t like everything people see or what I bring to every setting, but at least the consistency is refreshing.