Do I Really Want to Do This?

Yesterday was a quiet day…back from a trip…no weekend service to prepare for…gray skies…cold.  No office even to go to (although we do have some great temporary digs).  I had a thought that I have several times a year… I don’t have to do ministry. 

If you think about the nature of freedom, none of us needs to plant a church.  I could get a job in the marketplace.  We could just stay home on Sundays, or we could form a church that is far less than what we imagine Connexus could be.  I’d have more time with my family.  More time for myself. 

I do actually think in those patterns from time to time.  I imagine what my life would be if we weren’t doing this.  And it looks attractive for a few minutes.  Sometimes it looks attractive for a few days.

But then I think it through a little further, and life for me begins to lose meaning, focus and purpose.  I am reminded that we really will stand before God one day, and everything that looks so fuzzy now will be crystal clear.  We’ll see all our relationships on earth through the lens of the cross, and we will realize what was at stake.  We’ll realize what could have been, and what should have been, and what might have been if we’d partnered with God to bring the reconciliation He longs for us to bring to people through the cross.  For whatever reason, God puts a call out to all of us (not just preachers) to partner in His work today, the implications of which will last forever.

Last night as I drove to another appointment, I was flipping radio stations and Rock 95 played one of my favourite 80s songs — Queen (with David Bowie) Under Pressure.  Check out the lyrics:

                It’s the terror of knowing

                What this world is about

                Watching some good friends

                Screaming let me out

                Pray tomorrow – high higher


                Turned away from it all like a blind man

                Sat on a fence but it don’t work

                Keep coming up with love but it’s so slashed

                and torn


Under Pressure was sung by a couple of guys who struggle deeply with life and with their sexuality.  The pain inside for them must have been huge, and they saw it in everyone else.  It’s a song that actually asks questions about love and meaning that are answered in the cross, but I’m not sure they knew the answer to that heart-cry is the cross.  The song brought tears to me eyes.

A call to ministry is just the way Jeremiah describes it.  If you try to shut your mouth, it burns like a fire in your heart.  You can’t extinguish it.

I wrote the bulk of this post early this morning at the Second Cup in downtown Barrie watching the first snow gently fall. Somehow it felt like Christmas.  As I leave the restaurant, I feel refreshed.  Ready to answer a call God placed not only on my life, but on our life together.  A call that I can’t escape…and a call today that I again deeply want to embrace.  Too much is at stake. God has done too much to keep silent, to pretend there isn’t a solution to the pain, sorrow and sin that have taken too many lives.  There’s a fire that burns that just won’t go out. 

A short prayer for this morning: God, in some small way, I want to partner with you today to make a difference.  Help me.  Thank you for this opportunity. Thank you for the cross.

How do you process the whole business of how you serve God in the world?  What pulls do you feel in good and not-so-good directions when it comes to serving God?


  1. Testing on December 30, 2018 at 2:12 am


    • Testing on December 30, 2018 at 2:12 am

      Nope. All good!

  2. Heidi on November 8, 2007 at 8:23 am

    God Bless You Carey, I can only imagine how difficult this road is at times, but I believe that nature of your personal relationship with Christ has led you in this direction and will continue to do so. I think that you hear Him in a very special way and by your example encourage us all to experience the same. I have seen this quality in you for the eight years or so that I have been listening to you on the internet. I find that your relationship with Jesus is SO important that you place Him first and in the course of that, a lot of people hear the truth and they don't always want to hear it. I stand behind you in admiration of the love you show Him. God has used you to bring the lost (like me) not only back home but back home with a real sense of validation, an extraordinary experience of grace. Thank you for honoring all the gifts you have received from the Lord, Carey. We are all blessed as a result.

  3. Sarah on November 7, 2007 at 6:54 pm

    I always thought I would be a teacher, or at least have a normal, nice "woman's job." Where I got that idea, I don't know… it wasn't a pull, it just looked like a good path.
    I got into a concurrent education program right after highschool and I would have basically gone through this university contraption and popped out as a teacher! For some reason I turned it down, it just didn't feel right.
    4 years later I am about to complete my degree (psychology/child&youth studies), NOT at all in the place I was expecting to be in the begining of all this. I need to have 100% trust in God for my career and my life – and I don't know where I'll be in april, but I am happy with that! I am learning to fully surrender what I thought I had control over.
    Sometimes I go back to thinking; "well I can just be a teacher" (although teachers have an amazingly important job!) for me I would be settling. It would not be a risk for me to teach, it is not where I feel "pulled."

    For me, serving God is relationship with people… loving people. The more I realize God loves me, the more I love other people! It's a great snowball.
    I feel pulled to this new church I see coming together… actually, I feel more like a moth to a blazing fire, I just cannot ignore it 🙂 Not just Connexus, but Christ's church in general. It's changing… and it's where I feel most pulled.

  4. Cathy Penelton on November 7, 2007 at 4:37 pm

    We can so appreciate your perspective…Some days/weeks you wanna run and other days you feel Gods affirming smile wash over you and say Well done….The joy is definitely in the journey…

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