You got into ministry or serving in a local church with a sense of calling and passion, and months or years later, the flame looks more like a pilot light. Your passion is all but barely detectable and your cynicism is at a personal high.
What happened? The stories vary, but the bottom line is the same. Ministry is a lot more difficult than most of us expected. I certainly don’t want to pretend I’ve had it hard in ministry. In fact, I may have had it easier than many of you reading this series. But my passion has come and gone and come back again. My calling never left, but there were seasons where I’ve wanted to leave my calling. And I have felt the gnawing advance of cynicism threatening to become my default.
How do you stay fresh for the long haul? If ministry is a marathon, how do you make it to the finish line? I’m in a good seasons these days, and that’s given me a chance to reflect. In this series I’ll outline seven habits or practices that have helped me over the years. And I hope you’ll add your ideas and experiences.
Practice #1: Process privately while leading publicly.
I think we’ve all seen variations of this principle. Some leaders never process the complex things that are happening to them or around them while they lead publicly, and one day they snap. They do something irresponsible or immoral, simply quit or end up on leave. They didn’t process what was going on inside and around them, tried to lead publicly and found it was unsustainable. I tried that for a while (we’re all invincible, right?). Not good.
Most of us have seen the opposite too: we’ve seen people process publicly while leading publicly. They try to process what’s happening to them publicly, using the platform as a personal couch. I’ve heard sermons used as weapons, positions used as bargaining chips and people with no one else to talk to talk about everything to anyone who might listen. It’s just not healthy.
I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) to process privately while leading publicly. For me, this has meant keeping an open, healthy dialogue with a variety of people. Naturally, what’s going on is constant grist for my personal prayer life and scripture reading. But I think God intended us to be cared for in community too. Toni, my wife, is my best counselor and friend. We talk a lot. But your marriage shouldn’t bear every stress you experience. At times I’ve seen a counselor. My closest friends and community group have helped immensely. I also track fairly closely with our elders (we’re fortunate to have incredible elders). And over the last dozen years, I’ve developed a small network of trusted friends, mentors and colleagues who live hundreds to thousands of miles away. It’s like we’re sitting in the same room (which sometimes we do) and we always pick up where we left off.
Processing privately as issues arise has allowed me to keep leading for 15 years through some interesting times, personally and in ministry. The congregation ends up hearing about much of it over time. But I think what’s healthier is that I don’t expect them to be responsible for making me well. They want to know that their leader is human, but there’s something unsettling to know that their leader is in personal crisis, especially if that crisis is unresolved. So sharing a problem after there’s some resolution or at least a way through seems to be healthier. And the more you process privately, the less of a sense of crisis you’ll experience as a leader. Even though in our model I don’t really do ‘pastoral care’ in the traditional sense, I am responsible for leading them in all seasons. And because there are people who care for me with whom I can process things, I can care for others.
How about you? What could you do this week to strengthen the network of people who can help you process privately while leading publicly? Ministry fosters isolation. How can you reverse that?
For discussion: How does this resonate with you? How have you found this to be true? When have you seen this principle at work in your life?
