All of that is healthy.  To think there's nothing to admire or learn from others is egotistical.

But sometimes admiring someone can lead you to want to be like them, or to be them, or - eek- even to be the next "them".  Twitter, facebook, podcasts and this increasingly connected world make it so easy to watch someone else's every move that I wonder whether some of us sometimes stop living our own lives and start living vicariously through others.

If you think that might be happening, here's what to do: find a big red button and connect it to a loud buzzer and press repeatedly until you can't stand it anymore and stop the behaviour.

Whenever I speak, write or lead, I feel the pressure to be better.  I listen to other speakers, watch other leaders and read other writers.  And once in a while I catch myself thinking "I wish I was __________" or "I wish I could be more like _________".  This is when the stinkin' loud buzzer should sound.  Right now.

Think about it...God will never hold you accountable for being someone he never created you to be.  He will not say "Carey, how come you weren't more like Craig Groeschel or Andy Stanley?"  If God had wanted that, he would have made more Craig Groeschels and Andy Stanleys.   Good parents would never lay that pressure on their kids ("Hey, how come you're not more like your friend Taylor?" - and those of you who had a parent who did that are wincing right now).  But sometimes we put that pressure on ourselves.

The only task before you (and me) is to take all the faith, talent, trust, ability and gifting God has given you and use it to be the best 'you' you can be.   God actually wants me to be more like Carey  - redeemed, forgiven and empowered Carey - but Carey still the same.  Ditto for you.

What will you be held accountable for?  Being 'you' in the context of the cross and tomb.  Nothing more. Nothing less.

So have the humility to learn from others, but then, go be you.  It's the best gift you can give yourself, the best gift you can give God, and the best gift you can give the world.

There have been a few, but I really want to find one that resonates.

Sooo....

1. What's been a game changer for you personally, spiritually, in ministry or in life?  What defining moment do you look back on and say "that pretty much changed everything?"
2. For those of you who know our ministry or me, what do you think a key game changer for us has been?  Sometimes the best person to judge that kind of thing is someone slightly outside an organization. So what do you think?
3. A third angle:  if you could pick any game changer to speak on, which one would you choose?

Love to hear your thoughts....over to you!

A few times every year I see a passage that I swear someone added to the Bible since the last time I read it.  It just pops out...I just missed it before.  Had one of those experiences this morning.  I hope it encourages you.

From childhood we have watched
as everything our ancestors worked for—
their flocks and herds, their sons and daughters—
was squandered on a delusion. - Jeremiah 3:24

It's as clear a picture  as any of what happens when people live life without God at the center - everything we work toward ends up squandered on a delusion.   Wow.  (You might read the whole chapter.  It's fascinating.)

I'm not saying God might not be calling you out of ministry (that does happen), I'm just saying if you are called, keep at it.  Giving up your Sundays year after year is worth it.  That criticism you took for a wise decision you made was worth it.  Overcoming your sadness and pushing through was worth it.  The extra prayer and extra sacrifice financially was worth it.  That relational risk you took inviting your friend to church was worth it.   That extra static that seems to visit your home because you're in ministry is worth it.

Because everything else is well, a delusion in the end.  Christ is who it's all about.

One day we'll all look back and wonder why we ever thought it wasn't worth it.  But in the meantime, we need to remind each other it is.

It is.  It's worth it.  Keep going.  The mission is not in vain.

]]> http://careynieuwhof.com/2010/07/its-worth-it.html/feed 1 http://careynieuwhof.com/2010/07/five-things-that-stop-leaders-from-ministry.html http://careynieuwhof.com/2010/07/five-things-that-stop-leaders-from-ministry.html#comments Sat, 03 Jul 2010 03:16:10 +0000 Carey http://careynieuwhof.com/?p=1042 Some insightful discussion last week around this question: where are the great leaders in this generation of church?  What's keeping the next generation of leaders from using their gifts in ministry?

So if the best and brightest of the current and next generation aren't bring their gifts into full time ministry, why not?  Here are some initial thoughts.  I'd love yours:

• Not enough risk.  Face it, the church is often not known for blazing trails.  In an era when the iPhone 4 is a huge story, clearly we need a better plot line (and yes, I'll be getting an iPhone 4 this month like lots of other Canadians).  When the marketplace is leading the way, the church needs to create a better story.  We have the most powerful story, after all, at the center of our faith. The church is known for boring and timid.  We need to get known for being radical.  Talent gravitates toward the most compelling plot line.
• The wrong kind of scandal. Sadly, when the church is not boring, we often embrace the wrong kind of scandal.  When headlines spring from moral failure, emotional manipulation and eye-rolling born of intellectual simplicity, we really resist attracting intelligent people.
• An absence of power. Sometimes I wonder if the church suffers from a divine power failure.  In some churches, things are slow and traditional enough that you don't need God - a semi-retired bureaucrat could run things.  In others, we claim power, but the power is just smart leadership or semi-charismatic emotionalism...is it really of God?  Of course in some places it is, but maybe there are just not enough churches like that. What would happen if God really started to move in people's lives - not just in some churches - but in the church? Would people come running?
• Underchallenged leaders. Numerous people manage, lead, and care for huge numbers of people and major responsibilities each week, only to show up at church and be asked to wash dishes or park a car.  Don't get me wrong - parking cars and washing dishes are awesome ways to serve.  But when that's all we ask people to do - the church misses out.  What if people were asked to bring their best thinking to the Kingdom, not their leftover thinking - or not being asked to think at all?
• Overwork. I resonate with the comment that we've worked ourselves to death in this generation of church (kinda guilty of it myself - I'll preach about it in August).  The other side of the coin is this though - some in ministry are just plain lazy. So which is it?   But what if ministry became a place where human energy combined with divine energy to produce fruit no one could claim credit for?  What if the answer was not just more of our power - but more of God's power? The market place can't compete with that.

What if we risked more - took the right kind of risks?  What if we tapped more into God's heart and power and really saw the church explode with that?

Do these things keep people with great gifts for ministry from doing ministry?  What else do you see?

On Father's Day, we often say "Dads, time to get your act together...step up...accept responsibility...be a leader...we expect it, and you're not measuring up."

Try that on Mother's Day.  Exactly.

I'm not saying we should be hard on our moms (not at all), I'm just asking why we think the best way to challenge a man is to beat him up.  That's all.

What would happen if we encouraged dads?  What if we celebrated each time a man took a step toward where God wanted to be?  What if the church was a place where men felt encouraged and empowered?  I'm not saying we don't need an occasional swift kick...I'm just saying maybe it's a good idea to stop once in a while and celebrate the good.   We need to be called, but when we've answered, it might be great to come alongside and say "good job".

Maybe men don't want to go to church because men tend to gravitate toward where they are respected.  Maybe it's time to encourage the family rather than criticize parents and spouses who have heard enough criticism already.

Happy Father's Day guys...and thanks for taking steps in the direction God is encouraging you to run.   It may not feel like you're making progress, but God sees all, and there are more than a few of us who are cheering for you!

Never forgotten that.  And it's completely true. 

That free CD you got - somebody paid for it.  That free ticket to the show?  Somebody ponied up. That free replacement of your defective Blue Ray player?  The store or the company absorbed the cost. 

Realizing this made me much more grateful for every 'free' thing I received.  Someone paid.  It just wasn't me. 

Now, that's also true of grace.  We speak pretty loosely about grace being free.  We even talk about grace being limitless.

And that's true.  But it's only free to the recipient.  And it's only limitless because somebody is willing to pay the price.  So when we receive grace from God, it cost God something.

And today, grace might cost you.  If you are going to offer it, it will be expensive. Real grace (undeserved love) doesn't happen when there's a mis-understanding that gets cleared up.  Real grace doesn't happen when someone apologizes and makes the situation right.  Real grace is extended when someone wrongs you and you forgive them.  Real grace is extended when you decide not to engage the battle or treat wrong with wrong, but to love anyway.  And it hurts.  It will cost you something - you are giving of yourself something you'd rather not.  But you do it anyway.

Once I understood that, grace - real grace - ironically became easier to give. It was going to cost, but I just have to decide to pay the price on someone else's behalf.

So go give grace freely today.  Just remember it's expensive.  It will cost you something.  And when you receive it from God, remember it cost him something too. 

Because nothing is actually free. 

Here is one thing I've found that answers that question better than anything:

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Face it, there are far more than seven things that won't fuel your passion. Life is full of events, people and situations that drain passion from us. Sometimes it happens instantly.  Sometimes it's a slow drain over time. 

In fact, we probably can't produce enough defence to ward off all the attacks on passion that will hit us over time.  As soon as we think we've got it figured out, something hits from an angle we hadn't anticipated. 

That's why a sustained offence might be all the defence we need. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life. 

Increasingly for me, remembering this is becoming a daily thing I pay attention to.  Staying passionate over the long haul is a life commitment for me.  I never want to retire (even if I one day retire).  I never want to hit 'cruise control' on my calling, spiritual walk, parenting, friendships or marriage.  I want to bring my best every day, add value to those around me, be a constant student of what I see, experience and hear, and for that, staying passionate is essential. 

That may not seem like an 'answer', but it's a principle that I think can guide anyone through various seasons of heart stagnation.  When I find my passion waning, I increasingly see it as a heart matter, and I start a conversation with God, often with Toni, and often with close friends about it. 

The longer I'm alive, the more intentional I need to become about it.  If you don't stay intentional about how you live, you'll hit a default mode that is far below the potential God sees in you.

How about you?  What do you do to guard your heart?  What do you do to stay passionate season after season?

When my heart is alive and elastic, it's because I'm paying attention to this principle.  When my heart is hardening or growing dead, it's because I'm ignoring it. 
 

That's God speaking , by the way.

Most of us spend a lot of time trying to figure out whether we think God is trustworthy. But this verse changes the game significantly.  Maybe the only question isn't whether we can trust God.  Maybe the question for those who want to live a life alive in God is this:  Can God trust you? 

Trust is dependability - a deep confidence in someone.  We tend to trust people who are reliable, who are consistent and who don't change with the season or the wind direction.  Ever think that maybe God is looking for people He can trust? 

Many Christian I know say their faith varies daily. And mine has seasons too.  But what if our faith was strong enough and we became solid enough that God felt he could trust us?

Trust killers include:

• Losing faith in God the minute circumstances don't go our way.
• Putting ourselves at the center of our relationship with God, rather than God at the center. (What can I do for God, rather than what can God do for me?)
• Keeping God at the periphery of our lives, not at the center.

What I love about Moses is that he was gut-level honest with God.  He got upset, but God heard about it first.  He went straight to God.  He believed God against all odds (like trusting that somehow God would make a way across the water even if it looked impossible). 

I first got challenged with the trust-reversal idea when Reggie Joiner and I were writing our parenting book together.  In one of the drafts he introduce this idea that parents might stop thinking in terms of simply being able to trust their kids and start asking a different question: do we live in a way that our kids trust us? Are we consistent?  Do we inspire confidence?

I love that thought.  It's challenging me.  And it's a great thought to kick off a new week. 

Have you ever thought that God might be looking to trust you?   If so, how would you live different as a result? 

Conferences are often places for information and ideas.  And I'm a strategy wonk for sure.

But what I love about Orange10 is that this year, it feels like God is trying to do something in us.  This conference has felt even more personal than usual...more like God was trying to speak to me and in me.  Which is so helpful.  Often we just want God to do something through us. But God usually won't do anything through us until he does something in us.

One way I know where I'm at spiritually is how I feel when I sing the words to a worship song.  This year, I'm not only singing the words, I'm feeling them.  There's a sense of awe and wonder that's returning to my heart and life that is so refreshing. I've had those moments where I think "If only everyone could get this"!  Inspiration is the rocket fuel that propels action, and when you are actually inspired, it can bring life like nothing else. 

So...Orange leaders....what's your experience been?  What is God doing in you?  What's been your biggest "God is doing this in me" experience so far?

What this means is that we continually invent new ways to crowd God out of our lives and worship something else.  For some of us, that may mean other religions.  But for many of us who follow Christ, it just means something other than Christ.  

The surprising thing is that so many of the idols we might struggle with today are ordinary things.  Some are even good things.  Here are some idols I've seen...some in me...some around me:

• Success
• Family 
• Children
• Money
• Achievement
• Health
• Coolness, fitness or looks
• Style 
• Cynicism (Cynics love to be right about everything and down on everyone)
• Technology
• Possessions
• Pride (that's when we put ourselves ahead of God and other people)
• Sports
• Hobbies
• Career
• Emotional Pain (people can grow more fond of their sad story than the healing Christ offers)

It's not at all an exhaustive list. Basically, anything that would compete with Christ as first place in your life and mine is an idol.  Even your family.  Even your kids.  

So how do you know it's an idol?  This is what I've been working on.  Two thoughts:

• If I worry about it a lot it might be an idol.  Worry demonstrates an absence of trust in God and shows I want it more than I want Him.
• If I fear what my life would be like without it, it's probably an idol. 

That's part of my God dialogue.  I'm working hard on this because I have a book release coming up this week.  I want no anxiety around it.  And if it doesn't sell a single copy, I want to be at total peace with that.  The funny thing is, I think I am. Time will tell, but positioning yourself ahead of time can be helpful.  I hope that's where I am. If I can hold it very loosely, it becomes something God can use - not something that can become god.  

The side benefit of losing your idols is that it actually brings joy.  If your idol was to disappear, you've still got contentment, because you've got who really matters.  

How about for you?  What do you think some modern idols are?  What would you add to the list?