#3 Confusing Emotion with God’s Leading
I hear this all the time:  I feel God is leading me to….I feel God wants me to….It just doesn’t feel right to me so the Holy Spirit must be telling me to…..I felt like God was so totally in it so it must be right. And often those sentences are completed with things that really don’t stack up with scripture, or seem to be reflections of a person’s personal struggle for recognition or appear to be linked to some insecurity or struggle they are facing, rather than a reflection of God’s priorities.

I’ll say it out loud: I’m just not sure our feelings a reliable indicator of anything except how we feel.

Christians today confuse emotionalism with faith, moods with promptings, inclinations with divine leadings.  I’ve heard Christians say "I’m not going to serve in ministry until God tells me exactly what to do." Let me use my outside voice again: isn’t that just…arrogant?  Who are we to expect God to directly reveal specifically to us what we are supposed to do?  Who are we to think we get exempted from the biblical directive to serve God and others because we "feel" we need a special revelation? 

Feelings are mostly just that…feelings.  If I acted on my mood all the time, I’d probably be nominated for sainthood one hour and then commit a crime the next.  My feelings seem to wander all over the map.

God does speak to us, but mostly He speaks to us in His Word.  And in His Word He gives us direction about what matters to God and how followers should live.  That pretty much applies to all of us. 

The discernment comes in when we try to apply God’s clear teachings to our specific situation.  Through prayer over God’s word, community and listening to those God has given particular wisdom to, we can figure out how to live in the moment for Christ.  And true humility would move us to serve selflessly. Scripture directs all of us to serve, to give, to devote ourselves, to read the Bible, to worship, to show compassion.  Honestly, what the Bible tells each of us to do is not rocket science.  We know the drill. Often we just don’t want to do it.

How do you feel about feelings?  Or better yet, what do you think God feels about your feelings?

#4: Expecting Someone or Something Else to Share Your Faith
If you don’t invite your friends enter a growing relationship with Jesus, who will?  Almost every follower of Jesus I’ve met wants their church to grow and people to go to heaven, but most of them don’t live that way.  There is an expectation that the church had better grow, but a minority take personal responsibility for being a part of the solution by inviting their friends and family.

Increasingly, we seem to count on a church’s marketing to "sell" Jesus for us. Billboards, radio ads, flyers, web marketing are all supposed to "drive" people to the church.   In my former ministry, we grew rapidly and at the same time became "famous" (in such a tiny way) for our direct mail flyers.  But it bothered me that most of the people came because they saw our flyers or someone who didn’t go to our church told them to come to our church.

When a church loses a bit of a growth curve or stagnates, members blame everyone but themselves.  Hear me — as a leader, I take full responsibility when we hit a tough spot, but imagine what would happen if we all shared that responsibility and took action by telling the world about Jesus.  Imagine in eternity when our friends find out that we sat on forgiveness, hope, healing, mercy and grace and kept our mouths shut.  (Friends don’t let friends go to hell.)

At Connexus, we’ve scaled back our public marketing.  Some of that is intentional.  In the Bible, when people met Jesus, they left him only to run and tell their friends what this incredible man had done for them.  We call that dynamic investing and inviting.  Invest in real relationships with people who don’t go to church.  Hang out with them.  Pray for them. Develop great friendships.  And then invite them with you into a relevant environment (like Sundays or community groups) where they can meet Jesus.

The numer one reason people don’t go to church?  No one invited them.  A recent poll on hypocrisy revealed that while Americans (sorry, no Canadian data) generally dislike Christians, 78% of people who don’t go to church would have a conversation about faith with a Christian if the Christian was willing.  God’s mercy is bigger than we realize.

What keeps you from inviting your friends?

#7 Living a Dual Life   

Too many of us have different personas for different environments.  We’re one way at home, one way at work, one way at school, one way at church, one way with friends, and in the end, we don’t know who we are. 

I remember struggling with this a lot in my teens and twenties.  I had a set of Christian friends and non-Christian friends and I was mostly a chameleon. Put me in a different environment and my colours changed.

I remember losing a lot of self respect in the process and sensing it was a real impediment in my relationship with God.  So, I decided I wouldn’t play the game anymore.  I spent a number of years figuring out who I authentically was (that takes a while), making a list in my mind of the things I wanted to stop doing and others I wanted to start doing, and then mustering up the courage to step into environments and face rejection because I didn’t always play along.

I’m always hesitant to say a struggle is in the "past", but since making the change I feel much more peace and like my life is aligned with a purpose worth the effort.  I rarely have to worry about what I said or did because it really doesn’t matter who’s in the room or who saw what: I’m basically the same wherever I go.  And that means people see my faults, not just my good side.

I’m relieved when I hear people say "One thing about Carey — what you see is what you get."  I still don’t like everything people see or what I bring to every setting, but at least the consistency is refreshing.

I’m still in holiday mode for another few days.  Past few days highlights include starting to build a huge front-yard rink for my kids, hanging out with family and friends, a great morning in worship at the Meeting House earlier today and getting ready for Jordan getting his driver’s license tomorrow!

But I’ve been wrestling with a dominant thought to move me personally into 2008 – something to help me make progress as a Jesus-follower.  I’ve boiled it down to one question I think might help me make the most progress.

It sounds so simple, but I think it could help me.  Wonder if it can help you.  I like the question because I think it will help make me better reflect the character of our good God in every relationship I have and become a better decision maker.  I think it could add more grace and yet never make me shy away from the truth.  I think it could be huge for me.

Ready for the question?

Here it is:  In this situation, how can I be for the person in question?

Yep, it’s pretty simple.  But right now in every day life, I think it would help me so much.  See, I know God is for me.  And I know He is for you.  He may need to correct me, change me, prod me, but at every step of the way, He is for me.  And personally, if I know someone is for me,  the journey feels so much better, and during the journey I can endure just about any kind of correction. 

In every conversation, every decision, ever encounter with every person, what If I just asked this question, even if my interaction is going to last seconds or minutes:  in this moment, how can I be for this person? Whether I agree with this person, disagree, like or dislike the dude, appreciate or don’t appreciate the individual, in this transaction, how can I be for them?  Even if I have to disagree or seek a different course than they want, I can still do that being for them, not against them.  I think that could transform me, deeply.

If I really engage that question, I think I could say goodbye to indifference, self-motivated responses, judgment, passive-aggressive behaviours — all the junk.  I could, in Christ’s power, be for that person in that moment, just like God is for us and has been for us forever.

I like that question alot, and think it might really help me.  What about you?

We all fall into habits. 

When something new enters my life, I usually have a period of a few days where I establish some learnings on how to use it. And within those first 48 to 72 hours, I form patterns that soon become indicative of how I’ll interact with whatever I’m using.  For example, I bought this laptop back in August, and it is my first Mac.  Initially, everything seemed new.  But for the most part, I figured out how to use it in the first 72 hours.  It was like I made little deals on what keystroke shortcuts I’d use, what features I’d open, and what I’d never bother to figure out.

In those first few days, I didn’t explore every feature or probably even 90% of what this baby can do.  I just figured out how to use it for what I needed it to do, explored a few bells and whistles, and left it alone.  And what I did in those first few days set the pattern for my use of this thing since then.  Even though I totally love my Mac (I’m a raving fan!), I’ve explored two raindrops worth of ocean so far.

The same is true of how I’d explore a new cell phone…set patterns in new relationships….even how I’m approaching the new patterns of how to preach at Connexus with video and very steeply raked seating…in the first few days of using something new, I set a pattern that I pretty much follow without much deviation from thereon in.

Think about your own patterns.  Do you see a trend like that?

The pattern may be natural, but what it leaves me with is probably using a small percentage of the power of whatever I’m dealing with, like this laptop.  I think the same thing is true of so much in life, including my spiritual life.  Have I fallen into a place where I’m discovering .1% of God, only because my approach to God was set years ago and hasn’t varied much?  What would I do differently if I really explored Him, really got to know Him differently and fully?

What about your relationship with God?  Have you fallen into patterns that you know limit you to exploring a fraction of God?  Just asking.  But I think I’d like to chew on that personally for a few days.

By the way, later this week, I’m going to sit down with a fellow staffer and she’s going to teach me how to use some software I’ve always ignored over all these years of computing.  That should be fun.

And maybe…maybe…I’ll even talk to God about exploring Him far more creatively and fully too.

It’s so easy in a culture that is always on to the next and greatest to wonder what happens next.  I know I have that default to my personality.  While that kind of characteristic can produce great things, it can also be a bit unhelpful. 

I ask the question in light of the fact that by the grace of God, we’ve launched two campuses for Connexus in the last two weeks.  It’s been an amazing journey — one we’ve seen the hand of God in over and over again.  We’re so grateful.  But even as we celebrate these launches, people are saying "where’s your next campus?"  Naturally I answer
that we have plans for Muskoka and even Toronto, but right now I feel
like there is so much still do to here.

I think what’s next for us is taking something that is really quite good (our two campuses as they open), and that we’re thrilled with to start, and making them better and better week by week.  Not only do we need to get a few bugs out of the system (people have been so gracious), but even after we reach a level at which we feel "satisfied", there is so much more to do.

Ultimately, we want to make every environment we run all it can be.  Community groups change lives as people intersect with God and each other.  So does Waumba Land, our infant environment.  We want those environments — and all the ones we run — to be leveraged in the best way possible to help people grow in their relationship with God.  Rather than being generalists — trying to do a whole lot — we want to be specialists, choosing a few things and doing them optimally.

As we tweak each environment, make what we do better and more conducive to God’s work and to life-change, we’ll see more and more people realize how simple it is to have a real relationship with God. 

What things are you already doing this week in your life that with a little prayer and attention, can go from simply being good, to being great?   And how would your life be used by God if things truly went from being very good, to realizing their full potential?

I’ve been thinking/talking a lot with leaders lately about the power of a unified vision and mission.  At the lead pastor’s retreat for the North Point lead pastors a few weeks ago, Andy Stanley talked to us about how hard it can be to lead a team when competing agendas are at work.

It’s not just a church principle…it’s a life principle. Try being married when spouses are working at crossed purposes, or running a company when two partners want to go one way and two want to go another.  Try a going on a family vacation when half the family wanted to go skiing at Whistler and the other half is bound and determined to go to Disney World.   You just set yourself up for failure.

I love what I see at Connexus as a team of leaders, elders, staff and volunteers are gathering together around a common mission to lead people into a growing relationship through Jesus Christ by creating relevant environments.  What’s even more powerful is that this team is committed to a common strategy.  We are actually going to do very few things as a church.  No pot lucks, no socials, no infinite stream of ministries running off in 80 directions, no fundraising bake sales, nothing to distract us from our core mission.  We all only have so much energy, time and resources to give, so why not align them — streamline them — around a core mission and strategy that seeks to create a few relevant environments in which life change can happen best?

The impact of a streamlined strategy designed at leading people into a growing relationship with Jesus is that somehow all of our efforts get maximized.  Rather than spending sixteen hours arguing about whether to go to Whistler or Disney, you can actually use that time and energy in a positive direction by choosing a location and working together to make the experience as engaging and rewarding as possible.  That’s what I see every Sunday as e-team members arrive before 6 a.m. to pour their hearts into what we’re going to do.  That’s what I know we’ll see next month as dozens of volunteers and hopefully many of you gather together at Group Link to pursue life in community groups together.  That’s what we see when people pour their hearts into family ministry that we pray, over time,  will become second to none in this country, with relevant environments for students, children and infants and a strategy to equip their parents for the task of spiritually and morally forming their kids.

You can do a lot when you are on a mission, together. 

What excites you most about having a definite strategy and then going for broke trying to implement it with excellence?

I’ve been in a conversation with a tv producer over the last few weeks (watch for an announcement on the Connexus blog tomorrow).  One of the questions that has come up is why some churches are growing when so many churches are not growing.

I’ve thought about this question a lot over the years.  I remember a long drive to Chicago two years ago with an emerging church leader.  During the trip, he asked me point blank why some churches grow and others don’t.  It really made me think.  Within two months, I’d boiled the answer down to three factors — three factors that still make sense to me over two years later.

You might be disappointed, because few of the factors are shrouded in the mystery of church "language" or hyper-spiritual talk.  It might be more tempting to say "because God blesses growing churches"…but doesn’t that imply that God curses dying churches?  Or we might say "because the Holy Spirit is with growing churches…".  But again, is He then not with stagnant or declining churches?  And isn’t it possible to grow a church (at least on the short term) through human effort?  Is God actually behind every growing church, or sometimes can talented people grow a church while God has nothing to do with it?  I doubt the growth would last for years or decades, but I bet you can get solar-flare growth for a little while on human effort alone.

So, here’s my short list of three factors that I think lead to long term, sustainable, God-honuring, authentic growth in a church.  In my opinion, all three are necessary.  You can’t have two out of three and grow long term.  You need all three:

i. Biblical Integrity.  If you base your ministry on anything other than the word of God, long term it will fizzle.  If people aren’t being led into a growing relationship with Jesus based on scripture, then they won’t stick around for long.  Scripture is the guide for life, for churches and for people.

ii.  Cultural Relevance.  You may believe the Bible, but if you speak Greek to a culture that speaks English…good luck.  Too many Christians love stuffy, antiquated church culture as much as they love Jesus.  That’s going to be an issue if you are trying to reach people who live firmly in 2007.  Musically, language wise and otherwise, churches need to move into a culturally relevant model of ministry that speaks to people where they are at.  Jesus did.

iii. Structural Agility.  This is the unlikely inclusion in the list.  I added it because I have met way too many church leaders who base their ministry on scripture, do culturally relevant ministry, and don’t grow.  By structural agility, what I mean is that church leadership has to be sensitive to the constantly changing dynamics of size and scope of ministry at every size of growth and be willing to change how they function structurally as a result.

The structural changes are myriad.  A church of 300 must be organizationally different than a church of 100.  A church of 900 is going to be very different organizationally than a church of 400.  Many leaders get hung up because they try to pastor a church so that they "know everybody" when they can’t know everybody. Personal pastoral care by a pastor has to disappear in every church over 200 — it is organizationally impossible for one person to care for more than 200 people (see Exodus 18). Biblically,it should have been care by-the-people for-the-people-anyway, but that’s another discussion  (see Ephesians 4.11-16)

Decision making also needs to change in a growing organization. It needs to move from consensus based decision making to leader-led decision making, and from congregational decision making to leadership team-based decision making.  As a church approaches 500-1000, the staff must take over effective day to day decision making even from the elders, who will function more as the spiritual ‘guardrails’ of decision making. 

By the same token, the role of staff needs to become more and more equipping-based, where instead of doing the work we enable the work to be done by people.  Congregations become empowered when staff release them to do the work of ministry.

Many people chafe at these changes (in large measure because they’ve never been part of a large church or never seen another model), but that explains why 99% of churches in Canada are under 750 worshipers (that’s an actual statistic).  We condemn ourselves, and God, to limited influence because we won’t make the structural and leadership decisions we need to make to grow the Kingdom. To ignore structural agility is to condemn your church to always being smaller than your vision (or even God Himself) wants your to be.

Those are my three. I realize when I say these things that they are counter-intuitive and often make other church leaders or church people angry, but I think they are just true.

What would you add?  What resonates?  How would you think differently about those factors?

More and more I’m seeing at the end of the day all we’ve got is our relationship with God and with people.  Not the idea of a relationship, but the reality of a relationship.  Ups and downs, pain and tears, weirdness and wonder, triumph and high fives.   The full package.  There’s no escaping it.

We’re launching a church and all that (if you haven’t heard), and the single best way to get people to come with you and eventually meet Jesus is to personally invite them.

But I know most of us are skittish on jeopardizing our relationships
over a church invitation.  Most of us are scared to open the
conversation.  I’ve been collecting random thoughts on how to overcome
these hurdles.  I hope they help:

• Pray for people. If you’re scared out of your pants to invite someone to church, tell God about it.  Then ask God to be with you when you chat with them.  Pray that God would move in their heart.  It’s amazing how God actually cares more about people than we do, but we forget that.  So pray for them (and yourself).

• Try talking about church, not God. We all feel awkward going up to someone and saying "so…what’s the state of your heart when it comes to Jesus?"  I do, and I’m a pastor. So unless you really feel you need to say that, don’t.  Instead, ask someone what they think about church.  Then tell them about your church and what it’s like, and you’ll have more than 3 minutes of stuff to talk about.  Last week, I had a 25 minute conversation with a 22 year old who hates church and whose body piercings had piercings.  Every third word was "dude"…but he and I engaged in a great conversation at length.  I was out of our community, but I believe if he would have lived in our neighbourhood, he would have come.  You just never know.  I’ve had a half dozen very surprising conversations with local people who either will be there or might be there December 2nd and 9th.  If you don’t ask, you’ll never know what might have happened…

• Admit you’re an idiot and don’t have all the answers.  First of all, they already know you’re an idiot and don’t have your life fully together.  Second, admitting you don’t have the answers takes pressure off both of you.  After all, very few people get ‘informationed’ into heaven.  Most of us get loved there.  A real dialogue with real people based on love goes a long way.  Be real.

• Talk to them about the kind of church Connexus will be.  We are really gearing Sundays to be (at the highest level we know how to) an environment you can bring your friends to.  A service where people can hear Green Day and Steve Fee music within minutes of each other and messages that engage real life can be a pretty powerful environment for God to meet people in.  Kids ministry kids actually like is another bonus.  And telling people they don’t need to have to carry a 32 pound bible or wear three piece suits or bad sun dresses is still a relief to many (remember, they haven’t been to church in 10 years…if at all…and they stay away due to stereotypes).  The fact that they might actually fit in will still surprise people.

• Pray some more.  Remember…God loves you more than you love yourself and He loves them more than anyone every will.  He’s just using you as a channel.

I hope you’re investing in people and inviting them now.

You yourself can get a sample of a Connexus service because this weekend we’re open at both campuses at Connexus.
You can go to Barrie or Orillia at 8:30 or 10:00.  It’s our soft launch in both cities — a real service done imperfectly (that’s
kind of what you get every week anyway, isn’t it?).  But we’re actually
open.  Which is amazing!

As we gear up for the December 2nd grand opening in Barrie and the
December 9th, it’s a chance to invite everyone.

Who are you praying for?  When are you going to chat with them?   What fears keep you up at night?  Anyone say yes already that shocked you?

I sit here Monday afternoon still kind of in awe of everything that’s happening.   We just came out of the first soft-launch weekend for Connexus Barrie, and it was so great. You kind of plan for months and dream for years and work hard at things…but to see it all transpire is a bit surreal. 

Some Monday morning quarterback reflections:

• I guess we really are trying launch relevant environments in two cities at the same time.  Every day, I hear from people who offer encouragement but then ask the question…so you guys are trying to do what in how much time?  I guess it is a little crazy to try to launch two campuses within a week of each other…but it actually appears to be working.

• Without trying to be insincere or sound like some marketing campaign that no one believes, I can honestly say I have never ever worked with a crew of people who have been so singularly encouraging and positive as this Connexus crew.  It’s like we all just moved to a new level. The faith and sacrifice of this group is unbelievable…I guess when we really did make the leap together last month we stepped into something that was much bigger than we are.  Your energy, prayer, devotion and encouragement and sheer enthusiasm humble and inspire me.

• The band was so great.  I so totally missed our Sunday gatherings, and can’t wait till they’re wide open on Sundays for everyone in December.

• I’ve never believed in the vision as much as I do now.  I care far less about size and growth and far more about seeing people changed.  And if we get to do that a thousand times over, that’s great.  What fuels me is that we get to do this.

• I’ve really got to get used to video preaching.  The cameras were not the issue…but the lights were literally blinding.  It was like staring into the high beams of a lexus.  What I missed eye contact with people (the lights literally blind you). For me, preaching really is a dialogue, and I am constantly watching and reading people while I preach to evaluate how the conversation is "going" and what needs to be said.  We’ll play with the lights again this weekend so I can see more people…or else I’ll have to learn how to imagine the weekly dialogue in my head.

• I miss my family.  This week is a week of catching up at home on evenings (no meetings in the evening for a couple weeks…). As much as the wider ministry is great, not being on the road again for two months is great right now.

• I’m so praying for who everyone is inviting, and can’t wait to have a wide open foyer December 2nd and 9th.  I can only imagine how God is going to move in the lives of your friends, family and in these communities.

Thanks for a great weekend everyone. 

What was memorable/significant for you?