Want to know how you’re really doing?  Sit in silence.

Sit silently for at least 10 minutes – even an hour if you can handle it.

More and more, I’m learning that silence reveals what’s really happening inside me.

Whenever I eliminate all the noise around me and sit in complete silence, I find the quiet either reveals a peace or a disquiet.

I wish that silence always revealed a peace, but I find often it doesn’t.  I might find frustration, tension, anger, resentment, lust, envy, restlessness or any combination of things.

The valuable thing for me is that when I discover that, I also discover what I am confident God wants to work on.  Whatever the quiet reveals can be fuel for my prayer life.  It can reveal something I need to work through with God, with friends or sometimes even with a counselor.

Best of all, I’m finding resonance in the biblical truth that it is when we are still that we best know that God is God (Psalm 46).

The challenge of course is that no one will ever ask you to simply sit still for an hour.  No one ever texts you and asks you if you can carve out some time for silence and reflection.  Everybody just wants one more small slice of you.  And truthfully, those of us who resist silence like that.

It is easier to stay busy than it is to stay honest with ourselves.  It’s easier to pretend everything’s great even if we suspect it might not be.

Which would be a mistake.  Because soul work is the most important work we can do.  It animates and impacts every other aspect of our lives from our relationships to our work to our family.

Ever take a silence test?

I’m taking them often.  I don’t even like what I find much of the time.  Which is exactly the point.

I was at Elephant Room this week, a forum hosted by Harvest Bible Chapel for pastors and church leaders.

The best part for me was the honesty, candour and wisdom shared by the panel:  James MacDonald, Mark Driscoll, Steven Furtick, Jack Graham, T.D. Jakes,  Wayne Cordeiro and Crawford Lorritz.

Here are a few insights that really impacted me (in no particular order):

“It’s easier to be a critic than to be a pastor.”  Mark Driscoll

“The devil can’t steal my ministry.  He has no authority.  So he’ll just steal the joy of my ministry.”  Wayne Cordeiro

“Write the cheque.  Go back to sleep.”  James MacDonald on the limits of cheque-book evangelism.

“None of our books will be on sale in heaven.”  T.D. Jakes, on the limits of human theology.

“You can’t integrate the church until you integrate your life.”  T.D. Jakes on racial integration.

“You are ready for restoration in ministry when you are known more for your repentance than for your sin.” Spurgeon (via T.D. Jakes)

“You can teach what you know but you reproduce what you are.”  Wayne Cordeiro

“We use anger as a substitute for the anointing of God.” T.D. Jakes on how some preachers over-rely on anger in preaching.

“Just because someone doesn’t want you in their circle anymore doesn’t mean that they can’t be in yours.”  James Macdonald quoting Craig Groeschel

“There is a difference between leadership development and developing leaders.” (missed the source)

And finally, this raw confession:

“I always knew God loved me, but I thought it was because he had to. Now I realize he wants to.”  Steven Furtick

Loved the Elephant Room.

What other insights have you gleaned lately, at the ER or elsewhere that have helped you?

So what are you committing yourself to?

In most cases, you will be tempted to commit yourself to one of two things: process or outcome.

I found myself on the elliptical the other morning.  Unfortunately there was a mirror in front of it.  I saw visitbly the 15 pounds that still need to come off.  Then I had this thought:  there are a lot of overweight people who work out every day (please understand, I’m not slamming overweight people…I just know I have no excuse for being one.)

I’m tempted to give myself points for showing up.  Points for engaging the process.  I did a solid hour on the elliptical plus ab crunches and some push ups.  That counts right?  And I biked three hours last week.  Good for me right?

Well, sort of.  If you’re only scoring process.  But if you’re scoring outcomes, well that’s different. I know I’ve needed to get back to ideal weight now for a few years.  And I’m not there.

In every area of life, it’s easy for me to measure process rather than outcome.

I worked for hours on this message.

I followed everything everyone told me to do.

I got it done in record time.

I had exactly the number of people you asked for engaged on the project.

You have no idea how hard our team worked on that.

Everything was done precisely according to format.

And that’s fine.  The problem is that’s often where it ends: it’s just fine.  And sometimes it’s not even that.

Process is important, but what if you started measuring outcomes instead?

That message helped hundreds of people get closer to God.

That series drew a record number of new attenders.

Our client was so thrilled with the project he brought us five new referrals.

The 100th phone call finally resulted in a great job offer.

I lost 10 pounds this month.

People can’t stop talking about that event.

We had 35 new families register with us after that appeal.

People who measure outcomes keep changing the process until they get the results they need.  And then they change it again to see if they can do better.

What are you measuring?  Process or outcome?

There are too many overweight people who work out every day.  Too many preachers who spend three days on messages that help almost no one.  And far too many people who will get to four o’clock and call the day a win because they got through the pile in front of them.

And no one will be much better for it.

How do you measure outcomes?  What keeps you stuck to measuring process?

I’ve got more than a few friends right now who are going through a very difficult season.  Cancer, marriages in crisis and career issues are just a few of the problems in the lives of people I care about.

One question keeps surfacing:

Does God give you more than you can handle?

Strangely, I think the answer is simple:  Yes he does.

As I’ve reflected on my own challenges and those of my friends, I’m reminded of the searing pain of some seasons of life.  Whether it’s leadership challenges, illness, circumstances, or even personal implosions, sometimes it really does seem like more than you can handle.

Which sounds like a recipe to abandon faith.  But actually, it’s the opposite.  Those moments are the ones in which our faith needs to deepen even more.  Here’s why:

God gives us more than we can handle, but he never gives us more than He can handle.

The very moment in which we are most likely to lose faith is the moment in which we need to deepen it.  Because God can handle whatever you are facing, even if you can’t.

A couple of passages have sprung to life for me in this season with my friends.  Here’s one of them.  I love what Paul says:

We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:8-9)

In fact, we expected to die. But we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.  Tell me if you’ve seen a more powerful thought recently.  I haven’t. That’ll preach.

Even in leadership, sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the task and things not going the way I had hoped (despite best efforts) that I just have to re-surrender everything to God.

Is it too much for you and me to handle?  Sometimes, absolutely.

Which is why I’m so grateful for a God who can be trusted in every circumstance, no matter what it looks or feels like to us.

What are you learning in this area?  What’s helped you?

A few days ago I was in Germany talking to church leaders about keeping your heart fully engaged as a leader over the long haul.

A the end of the talk, I invited people who were running on empty to stand, offering to pray for people who were standing and in need of a touch from God. At first, no one stood, which, if you’re a communicator, always creates a fun moment.

As I said a few more words, a handful of people stood up. But by the time we were ready to pray, half the room was standing. A thousand leaders on their feet. All of them saying it’s been dry, they’re tired and they long for a touch from God.

I won’t forget that picture for a long time. Because I realized what’s at stake. Could you imagine if half the leaders (volunteer or staff) decided within the next year that they just couldn’t do it anymore?

Could you imagine if the leaders who stayed lost their passion and led from a place of fatigue and emptiness rather than strength and passion? Because I know what happens when you get tired; your heart stops being fully engaged.

This is personal for me because I know what it’s like to be tired in ministry, to be fatigued to the level where you’ve lost the energy that fuels your spirit. The good news is it comes back over time if you continue to see God. You can emerge out of a dry season with more energy and passion than you have ever had.

It’s possible. But it’s not automatic. I doesn’t just happen. And after seeing a thousand great, dedicated church leaders on their feet asking for help, I realized again what a silent but critical issue this is in the church.

So first, be honest with yourself. How are you doing, really? If you’re not honest with yourself, you won’t be honest with God, let alone others. How are you?

If you’re in a season where you’re just barely hanging on, dont just hang on. Deal with it. Here are three things you can do to help (at least they’ve helped me):

Tell someone. You can’t go through this alone. Start with a friend -someone who knows you and cares about you and who can tell you what you don’t always want to hear. And if you need to see a counsellor, don’t hesitate. Community is a gift from God. I was so proud of the leaders who stood up as a first step toward acknowledging how they were feeling and that they needed a touch from God. That was so powerful! They told someone.

Take responsibility. Regardless of how you and I got to where we’re at, we’re responsible for our own spiritual growth and our own care. No one can make me better. At a minimum I need to cooperate with what needs to happen. Better still if I resolve to get the help I need.

Put yourself first when it comes to spiritual growth. Sometimes ministry is a place where you receive, but often it’s a place where you give. Replenish your walk. Take time every day to nourish your relationship with God. Read bible passages you will ever preach on. Pray about things that have nothing to do with your work. Find some friendships that restore and rebuild you and spend time with those friends. Get out on your bike and go for a ride. Do something that refuels you.

So, how are you doing? Really?

I think God has a vision of thousands of leaders serving with passion for years into the future. And you know what I believe? He wants you in that picture. He wants your heart fully engaged.

What helps you keep your heart fully engaged?

More so than any other point in my life, I enjoy being alone.  But there’s a world of difference between solitude and isolation.

It can be easy to miss the difference, but the difference night and day.

Solitude is good.  It recharges the soul.  It offers time for reflection, for prayer.  And even when you’re alone, if you’re experiencing solitude, you are still connected.  Solitude connects you to God, to yourself, and prepare you to be connected to others.

Isolation, on the other hand, is never replenishing.  It can feel like solitude in the sense that you are alone, but isolation doesn’t connect you to anyone.  Isolation does what the word suggests – it cuts you off, from God, from others, and sometimes even from yourself.

Solitude is a gift from God, but isolation is a tool of the enemy – a punishment.  If you think about the way we humans punish offenders, one of the worst forms of incarceration we have is solitary confinement.  It’s pure isolation.

We all need breaks.  We all need time away.  But when you get away, seek solitude.  God uses it in powerful ways.  But never mistake it for isolation.  One gives life.  The other steals it.

The question to ask, of course, is in your alone time, are you in solitude or in isolation?

Perhaps the most challenging and haunting question you can ask yourself as a ministry leader is this:

“If my role at church was to end tomorrow, what would be left of my faith?”

It’s a question I ask myself constantly because working in ministry can often leave people confused about what we do at work and who we are in life.  After all, people in ministry are there in the first place because of our faith.

But at one point in ministry I found my bible reading was largely focused around what I needed to read for work.  I realized my prayer life was centered on concerns related to the ministry.  And my relational circle was largely comprised of people who were associated with the church.

Which would have meant, that if my role at church was to have ended, my faith would have needed a serious reorientation.

Ministry leaders:

When was the last time you prayed about something that has nothing to do with your church, your role, or your ministry?

When was the last time you read through a bible passage that you have zero plans on teaching?

When was the last time you sat down with a friend who doesn’t know and doesn’t care that you’re in ministry?

The best thing you can do as a ministry leader to ensure your faith is vibrant, alive and authentic regardless of what might happen tomorrow is this: pursue a spiritual walk that has little to do with work.

Here are three things you can do to help you pursue that:

Start a bible reading plan that’s completely independent of anything work related.

Pray like you didn’t work for a church.  I’m not saying don’t pray for church related things.  I’m just saying for at least half your prayer time, focus on other things.

Pursue authentic relationships outside your congregation and local ministry network.

Like you, I hope to be at this for decades more.  But maybe one of the keys to keeping that journey fresh and alive is pursuing God like we weren’t in ministry at all.

So today we leave on vacation.  17 days together as a family, including a week with my parents, sisters and their families.  It’s going to be incredibly fun.

And yes, I’m blogging on my holidays.  Here’s why: because it’s 5 a.m. and no one else is up…plus blogging is a way of processing for me.  It’s recreational.

But vacations haven’t always been fun for me.  In fact, they used to stress us out.  I say us, because you should talk to my wife Toni.  My stress stressed out more than just me.

Finally I learned what was making me stressed out and irritable, so over the years I’ve developed some unwritten vacation rules that really help me relax.  I’m writing them down here knowing your rules will be different (please share them), but that these rules have been game changers for me.

1. Prepare for your vacation, don’t just take it. I used to run into my holidays full speed, and it would take me half my holidays to unwind.  For the last week I’ve been catching up on my sleep.  We’ve done a month of vacation prep (it’s a big trip), and we’ve built the anticipation.  I can go into day one vacation fully rested and ready to enjoy (which is why I’m up at 5 a.m.)

2. Equip your team, and yourself, for your break. Leaving work behind is hard work.  I wasn’t good at this for years.  Now I spend at least two weeks before leaving asking “what does my team need while I’m away so they can run optimally and so I can rest?”  If all of that is lined up (I sent out dozens of ‘here’s what you need to look for/know/do when I’m away’ emails to team members before I leave), then they have way they need and I can get what I need: peace of mind, knowing everything will be okay.

3.  Delegate authority and responsibility. While this is good practice all the time, make sure you leave behind real decisions, real authority and real responsibility.  My assistant is handling my email for the entire vacation.  I gave her full authority to do whatever she thinks is best when I’m away.  Other teams are making key decisions while I’m gone.  And I know I will come back simply jump back into their flow.  I barely bought any minutes on my phone for our destination.  In part, because I know they won’t need to call me unless something dire happens.  Getting constant texts, calls and emails from the office while you are a way may be a sign that you haven’t delegated responsibility or authority well.

4.  Find out what fuels you. I have a friend who just got back from a vacation  in Eastern Canada where she stayed at bed and breakfasts, chatted with the locals and went to kitchen parties in people’s homes. She loved it.  I was thrilled for her but for me, that would be the opposite of vacation.  My dream vacation is where I go somewhere with my family,  know no one else and don’t need to talk to anyone who might know me.  I suppose it’s a way to refuel for living in a world where so many people know me and I get stopped for conversation virtually everywhere I go (happens to a lot of us in ministry). Also, camping is my nemesis.  Give me a good hotel and some day trips any day and I’m good to go.  We’ve worked it through as a family to the point where when we do the kind of vacation we’re currently doing, everyone comes back rested and recharged, ready to go.

5.Pick a goal for your holidays. My drivenness can make me feel like I waste time while away.  Other people are spectacular at resting, but I’m not.  So I’ve learned if I pick some goals for my holidays, it makes me feel better.  I have a few goals for this holiday.  One is to make it a great experience for my family.  Another is to read some books. Other objectives include taking (and processing) great photos on the trip and staying fit (brought my running shoes).  I feel less restless and more rested if I set a few goals. I also set a goal to be a worshipper when I’m on holidays.  Because I’m out of my leader’s saddle, I don’t like to skip Sundays.  I want to show up at church and every day in life as a worshipper.  Because in God’s eyes, that’s who I really am anyway, every day.

How about you?  What vacation rules do you have?  Or do you just unplug and think us A types are crazy?

People identify more with your failures and mistakes than your successes.

As a leader, it’s important to be transparent.  To let people see that you don’t have it all figured out, that you make mistakes and than you struggle with many of the same things they do.  I love it when a leader talks about their failures, struggles, insecurities or fears because it helps me feel like there’s hope for me.  I identify with them, and it helps me remember God hasn’t given up on me.

But how do you gauge the level of transparency you have with people?

We’ve also seen people disclose too much…bleed all over a stage or share things that aren’t close to ready for public consumption.  You don’t need to be a preacher or public speaker to see this – just read some status updates or visit a few blogs (‘my marriage is falling apart” or “i’m a terrible employee” are not helpful status updates.)  You know what I mean. When you see this kind of inappropriate disclosure, it leaves you feeling awkward and embarrassed for everyone.

Where’s the line?

I have a few things that have helped me navigate what to say and when to say it:

1. Someone needs to know everything. But that’s a very small circle.  It might be your spouse, your best friend, an accountability partner, or even a counselor.  That’s the circle where you process everything – especially the things you’re working through and you can’t figure it out.  And naturally, your prayer life should be this honest, this open and this raw.

2. A close circle knows most things. Probably somewhere between 3-5 people should have a good read on just about everything in your life.  You can call them or get together to talk about the ups and downs of life, love, relationships and uncertainties.  These are people you process things with in real time, where there’s no clear answer but just friends to help you through the journey.

3. Everyone else hears what’s helpful to them. This is literally everyone else (everyone from family to friends, neighbours, coworkers and perfect strangers.)  In the first two circles, you move from ‘friend in need of help” to ‘friend who can help others.”  This is the circle in which we are most tempted to pretend we have it all together, to admit few flaws.  But this is also where being appropriately transparent can be so life giving.

What do I mean by ‘appropriately transparent?”  A few things:

Share what you’ve worked through or are working through. My first two circles are the people I process life with.  They hear all the uncertainties and the unresolved issues.  Once I’ve worked through issues or are well into them, it’s healthier to share them with others, but not before them.  When I’m in the middle of something, I’m best off processing it within my close circle.

Make sure it’s helpful. The goal of sharing parts of your story with everyone else is that it helps them. It creates points of identification with your listener (they see you are like them) and they can draw courage, inspiration, relief or even practical help from it.

Some things are better left unsaid. If no one is really going to be better off for you saying what you want to say, why say it?  ”Unburdening” yourself publicly is, well, selfish if it doesn’t help others.

These are some things that are helping me navigate the tension of being transparent, but being appropriately transparent.  Do you agree?  What’s helped you handle this issue?

So the markets are melting again.  And the economic health of the western world is looking more and more spurious.

Fear’s a big deal.

How much of your life is governed by fear?

• Fear for your kids
• Fear over your finances
• Fear about what will happen if you don’t respond to someone’s criticism
• Fear about who’s leaving your church/company/social circle
• Fear over the implications of your next decision
• Fear about your health

We never really follow people whose fear got the best of them.  Likely because they never lead anywhere worth going.

You can get a temporary following by playing into people’s fears.  It happens all the time.  But it never lasts that long.  Here’s why: you can’t follow fear.

Fear doesn’t know where it’s going.  It only knows where it’s not going.

Courage, on the other hand, knows where it’s going.  It has a destination.  It leads somewhere.  It looks ahead, not back.

Courage and fear know each other well.  Every courageous person I know deals with fear. Courageous people just decide that forward is better than reverse or reaction.  They trust.

It’s intriguing to me that the opening line by virtually every angelic being in the bible to a human is “don’t be afraid”.   I imagine having a supernatural being appear to you would startle you for sure, but there’s got to be something to the fact that God’s first words to his people consistently seem to be “don’t be afraid”.   Maybe this whole thing truly is in his control.

Courage takes a different course than fear:

• It realizes your kids belong to God and the goal is to help them become independent anyway
• It creates a financial plan that while painful in the moment can navigate through tough times
• It realizes there’s truth in every criticism of some kind, but never leaves us stuck licking our wounds
• It focuses on who you’re going to reach, not just who you’re going to keep
• It sees the possibility in your next decision
• It realizes there are things that can kill the body that can’t touch the soul

We live in an era of fear.  What we need right now is courage.

If we really serve a God who can’t be shaken, Christians should be the most courageous and visionary people going.