This past weekend at Connexus we told a story in our message about inviting friends that will likely stick with me the rest of my life.

In the video Jessie, a woman in her early twenties who attends one of our campuses, explains how she and her husband Russ invited a friend who didn’t go to church to come with them.  The story is worth watching and it’s near the end of the message called “Invite”.  You can watch it here on our website or get the video podcast on iTunes.

Jessie and Russ’ invitation led to their friends inviting some friends, who invited a friend, who in turn invited friends.  That single invitation just a year or two later has resulted in 12 formerly unchurched people now attending church, and the process, and some have surrendered their lives to Christ.  Powerful.

But the line that stuck out with me was when Jessie simply said “30 seconds of you being uncomfortable could change someone’s eternity.”

I think she nailed it.  One of the main reasons we don’t invite people into a something that can change their lives is our personal discomfort.  And we she named that, I realized I have to get so much more uncomfortable if I want to make a difference.

I’m going to get uncomfortable in the next few weeks and extend some invitations.

But I won’t stop there.

How much transformation have you put off because you fear a little bit of discomfort?

If you were to spend some time getting over 30 seconds of discomfort five times today, what would happen?

You might:

• pick up the phone and apologize, mending a friendship.
• talk through a tough issue, slaying the elephant in the room that’s been lingering for months.
• actually do the most important work you could do today, pushing past your procrastination.
• not spend the money you were going to, and pay down some debt instead.
• invite that friend you’ve been praying for to church
• go for a run…the one you’ve put off for a day/month/week/decade.
• read to the end of the chapter of the bible you’re in…and let God speak to you
• put away the ice cream and drop a pound in the next week.

30 seconds of you being uncomfortable could change someone’s eternity.  So so true!

It might even change much more.

Why don’t you spend some time being uncomfortable today?

For years I’ve kept a file I simply call “encouragement”.

Back in the day it used to be an old school filing cabinet file folder.  Now it’s a a gmail folder.  One day it will be something else.  It matters far less how it’s done than it does that I do it.

The rule is simple. Every time someone sends me something that encourages me (an email, a blog comment, a DM, a card, a note), I put it in that file.   Often it’s a thank you for something I said or did, a short message of encouragement, and sometimes it’s a life-change story (love those!).

Here’s why I keep it (hang on, my reasoning is complicated): I get discouraged.

That’s it.  I just get discouraged.

The one email of complaint out of 99 ordinary emails gets to me.  The one “that message didn’t really connect with me” deflates me faster than a bullet through a balloon.  The “he’s such a great speaker…oh, and we appreciate you too” gets to me.  So does the “why do you….[fill in the blank]?” and the “I can’t believe you….“.  Sometimes it doesn’t even take a comment from anyone.  I can discourage myself in no time flat.

Now just to put this in perspective, I get at least a 10:1 positive stream coming my way.  Actually it’s probably something more like 100:1 or even 1000:1.  I know my skin should be thicker.  I know I shouldn’t be so sensitive. And I’m getting better at it, but that stuff still gets me.

As I’m sure, it does you.

I keep the file because I want it to be there fore me on the days I get discouraged and even think about throwing in the towel.

I only end up going into the encouragement file once or twice a year at the most.  Sometimes I just look at it and realize there are 20 new notes from the last month, and that alone is enough.

I just need to be reminded that God has a reason for me doing this, and that the good outweighs the bad. I am convinced that one of the leading factors in the lackluster state of the church and in many areas of life is that people quit long before they break through because the discouragement got to them.

So I keep an encouragement file.

What do you do to get you through your bad days?

I did something this morning I haven’t done before in my life:  I went on a five km winter run.  I’ve run before, but never outside in winter with the temperature below zero.

It’s not that I couldn’t do it before, it’s just that I didn’t.

And that reveals a tension: the tension between can’t and don’t.  There are actually very few things you can’t do.  It’s mostly just that you don’t do them.

Be honest: how many things in your life are there (really) that you can’t do?  Exactly.  Very few.  It’s not that you can’t.  It’s just that you don’t.

And if you admit that, you might begin to do far more.

Once you do that, your dreams might be far more attainable than you think.

Earlier this week we looked at five signs that show you lack integrity. It’s one thing to know you might lack it in certain areas, but the question is how do you build integrity? How do you develop it?

Integrity is about more than just doing the right thing, It’s about buidling the kind of character that can survive a crisis intact. In the same way a building that has integrity can survive a storm, a life that has integrity can do the same.

So how do you build integrity?

1. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Of all the lies we tell, the ones we tell ourselves are the most deadly. Question your motives. Stop justifying what you know to be wrong. Stop excusing yourself.

2. Seek wise counsel. We all have blind spots. It’s one thing to be honest with yourself, but sometimes you and I are just blind to faults others can see. Find three or four people who believe in you and ask them for feedback on your life.

3. Decide to honour God, not please people. Doing the right thing is almost never the easy thing, and sometimes it’s not the popular thing. Honouring God is not the same as believing you are always right and everyone else is wrong – it simply means you are going to live with a long view of what to do, informed by scripture. It means enduring short term pain for longer term gain. To avoid becoming arrogant or deluded, make sure you test what obedience looks like for you not only against scripture and prayer, but also with your circle of wise counsel (see above). They will see things you can’t see.

4. Be appropriately transparent. We’d all like to be something we’re not. Admit your shortcomings. You don’t have to tell everyone what you’re struggling with, but you need to tell someone. Part of being honest with yourself is being honest with others. And as much as you might be afraid that everyone will think less of you, living transparently and not pretending to be someone you aren’t actually makes people think more of you. It’s counter-intuitive. It’s also transformative.

5. Put yourself first when it comes to personal growth. I know that sounds selfish, even unbibilical, but I’m not sure it is. Jesus prepared for thirty years before ministering for three. And during those three years he often disappeared to pray. You can only give what you’ve got. And he spent whole seasons of his life receiving from God what he needed to give to the world. Cancel some appointments. Tell the kids to wait. You need to build a solid spiritual, emotional and relational foundation for your life. Pray. Open the Bible (for you – not for anyone else pastors). Go for a run. Eat something healthy. Go for dinner with a friend who gives you life. If your cup is empty, how are you going to fill anyone else’s?

These are five practices I’ve found helpful in my life. What have you discovered helps you build integrity?

Integrity is something we all desire, but how do you know if you have it?  And what exactly is it anyway?

Sometimes it’s easiest to think about something out of its immediate context.  When something is well built, we say it has structural integrity.  So in an earthquake, the building with excellent structural integrity survives.  When something physically collapses, we say it didn’t have the integrity to withstand the impact.

All of this springs from the original latin root of integrity, which means ‘intact’.  Can you withstand the crisis intact?

Many  people aren’t withstanding crises well these days. The storm buffets and they collapse along with their family or their organization.

The tension is that no one sees the problem until the storm hits. ‘Normal’ doesn’t really test your integrity.   Crises do.  But when a crisis comes, it’s often too late to fix what’s wrong.  The damage is happening in real time.

While there are many things that compromise our integrity, here are five signs that show your integrity is in question:

1.  It’s all about you. You can say it’s about God.  You can say it’s about others.  But only you and God know your heart.  Selfish people harm their organizations, families and friends.  If it’s all about you, you won’t go the distance.  Or you will,  but you’ll hurt a lot of people in the process and you’ll never know what could have happened if you made it about God and others.

2. Your self esteem rises and falls with the opinion of others. A secure leader can see the right way and lead people there through tough conditions.  An insecure leader will bend with every change in public opinion. Which means you’re not actually leading anyone, not even yourself.

3. You’re hiding things. You shouldn’t be telling everyone everything (that’s not healthy) - but someone needs to know everything.  If you’re keeping secrets, you’re heading for a fall.  Between my wife, elders, close friends and counselor, I have an inner circle that knows everything about me.  (By the way, if you’re afraid to give your password on your computer or phone to anyone in that circle, you’re hiding things.)

4.  You fail to do what you said you were going to do. This isn’t just about keeping promises; it’s about keeping your word in everything.  Better to say nothing and surprise someone by delivering than blurt out an intention you can’t fulfil.   Ultimately, people lose confidence in you when you fail to deliver.  It’s a trust issue.   A fairly easy way to address this is to say less and deliver more.  A great follow up system also helps (sometimes a lack of integrity isn’t even a moral issue – just an awareness and organization issue).

5.  You make too many compromises. Leadership is not about getting everyone to like you or about finding the easiest path.  It’s about discerning the best way forward.  It’s about getting people to go where they wouldn’t go if it wasn’t for leadership.  If you make too many decisional compromises or even a handful of personal compromises, your effectiveness will be–you guessed it– compromised.

Don’t just think of these things as character flaws, think of what’s at stake: when the crises hit (and they will), you won’t be left standing.  Simple as that.  When you attend to these things, you integrity grows, and so does your ability to live and lead through difficult times.

What insights have you gained on integrity?  What signs would you add to this list?

Most of us would love passion to fuel our life and work every day.

That’s always how it starts, right?  When you begin something, it’s pretty much all passion.

Whether you’ve felt a call into ministry, you’re starting a new job, you’re toying with a new idea, or you’re even beginning a new relationship, passion gets us out of the gate almost every time.  And it can stay around for a season or two.

The problem is for all of us, passion fades.   Even when we know something is right-that we really shouldn’t be doing anything else-passion wanes.  Give it a season, a year, or (for the ultra passionate), a decade, eventually it just doesn’t feel like it used to. Or like we think it’s supposed to.

That’s when we do one of two things:

• We look for ways to renew our passion.  A new project.  Better numbers.  More growth.  A promotion.  A new pattern.  A side hobby.
• We look for a new position.  We leave what we used to think was our dream calling and hope to find a new one somewhere else.

Can’t get passionate about this job anymore?  Find a new one.  Don’t like your current spouse? Trade her in.

Which is a shame.  Because passion has a surprising counterpart:  perseverance.

So many people quit what could be a life calling not because the calling dried up but because their passion did.  Sometimes perseverance is the only difference between what you are currently feeling and what you once again feel, between the results you are getting in your current work and the results that are just around the corner.

I always wonder how many people quit just moments before a critical breakthrough.

God never promised that all of our days would be filled with passion.  Nor, actually, is passion listed as a virtue.  Guess what is listed as a virtue?  Perseverance.

You will have days, weeks, even seasons that are characterized by passion for what you’re doing.

And you will have periods of time – sometimes long periods of time – where you will simply have to persevere.

What I’ve discovered is that on the other side of perseverance is renewed passion.

Maybe the best thing you can do if you’ve got a great idea, a great calling, a great work,  is hang in there.  You’ll be surprised what you might discover.  And accomplish.

So what are you committing yourself to?

In most cases, you will be tempted to commit yourself to one of two things: process or outcome.

I found myself on the elliptical the other morning.  Unfortunately there was a mirror in front of it.  I saw visitbly the 15 pounds that still need to come off.  Then I had this thought:  there are a lot of overweight people who work out every day (please understand, I’m not slamming overweight people…I just know I have no excuse for being one.)

I’m tempted to give myself points for showing up.  Points for engaging the process.  I did a solid hour on the elliptical plus ab crunches and some push ups.  That counts right?  And I biked three hours last week.  Good for me right?

Well, sort of.  If you’re only scoring process.  But if you’re scoring outcomes, well that’s different. I know I’ve needed to get back to ideal weight now for a few years.  And I’m not there.

In every area of life, it’s easy for me to measure process rather than outcome.

I worked for hours on this message.

I followed everything everyone told me to do.

I got it done in record time.

I had exactly the number of people you asked for engaged on the project.

You have no idea how hard our team worked on that.

Everything was done precisely according to format.

And that’s fine.  The problem is that’s often where it ends: it’s just fine.  And sometimes it’s not even that.

Process is important, but what if you started measuring outcomes instead?

That message helped hundreds of people get closer to God.

That series drew a record number of new attenders.

Our client was so thrilled with the project he brought us five new referrals.

The 100th phone call finally resulted in a great job offer.

I lost 10 pounds this month.

People can’t stop talking about that event.

We had 35 new families register with us after that appeal.

People who measure outcomes keep changing the process until they get the results they need.  And then they change it again to see if they can do better.

What are you measuring?  Process or outcome?

There are too many overweight people who work out every day.  Too many preachers who spend three days on messages that help almost no one.  And far too many people who will get to four o’clock and call the day a win because they got through the pile in front of them.

And no one will be much better for it.

How do you measure outcomes?  What keeps you stuck to measuring process?

I finished the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson a few months ago.  Not only is it one of the few books I actually wished was thousands of pages longer than it actually was (I LOVED it), it offered fascinating insight into Job’s character and management style.

Job’s style was everything they tell you in business school and leadership courses not to be. Impulsive, volatile, eccentric, extreme and driven are just a few of the words that would seem to describe Job’s style. He was, by most accounts, almost impossible to work with. He was deeply immature at times, even abusive.

In so many ways, he’s like a study in how not to manage and lead than anything.

Except that it worked. Except that he was also brilliant and exceptionally successful.

Had I worked with Jobs, my advice would likely have been for him to take the edges off his personality. Many tried that and failed.

But here’s the key question:  were his eccentricities a good thing in the end?  Was it in fact the edges of his personality that made Jobs the leader that he was and made Apple the company it became?

Please don’t get me wrong…I don’t think reading an account of Steve Job’s life is any justification to show up Monday morning to berate your staff and or create a 90 hour a week work culture (both of which were characteristic of Apple). Nor is it a licence to unleash the lesser elements of your character on the people closest to you.

Jobs was anything but a balanced leader. He was extreme in his personality.  And as I reflect on the great leaders I know and admire, I respect, I realize that only a few of them are actually what we call ‘balanced’ people.  Their personalities have edges. Edges that impact the people around them. They can be impulsive. They can work too much (or selectively). They stand out because they are different – often quite different – than most other people. It’s what makes them who they are.

Which leads me to a bigger question: Does greatness ever really involve balance?

Few great leaders we study were balanced.  From Lincoln, to John A. MacDonald, to Churchill to Kennedy to Edison to Billy Graham, few leaders lead a very balanced life.  Neither did Jesus. He was so extreme in his ethic and life that he alienated many who tried to follow him. Paul was hardly everybody’s best friend in the early church. Moses didn’t exactly clock out at four every day and settle down to watch TV with his family every Tuesday. I can’t think of a single biblical character who lives a balanced life.  In fact, most of them are strange enough that we might keep our distance.

So why think about this at all? Here’s why: just about everyone around you is going to try to take the edges off of your personality. And for sure, you should stop sinning.   You should never use a life story like Steve Jobs’ to justify outrageous behaviour.  You should listen to counsel and even cherish rebukes. But maybe you shouldn’t let it kill who you are.  Do you always have to ‘work on your weaknesses’ like every management review suggests you need to?

If you polished all the strange edges off your personality, do you kill what God created?  Maybe the things that drive you and some of the very people around you nuts are the things that God will use to help accomplish his purposes.

What do you think? Does greatness arise from balance? Or sometimes does it also legitimately arise from the edges of our personality that sometimes we wish weren’t there?

The problem with most of us is not that we don’t dream big enough, it’s that our dreams and goals get lost in the shuffle each working day.

The biggest casualty of the daily grind, surprisingly, is not your inboxes (they eventually get emptied), your meeting schedule (you make your meetings) or the urgent things that have to get done.

The casualty is the important things.  The things that will drive your life and organization forward.  The thing that will fuel your mission, move you to another level and the thing that will inevitably give you the deepest satisfaction.

The problem is you never get to those things.

Last year, I tried something different.  I decided to spend a chunk of my time and energy every month working on one big thing.  Something so big it was literally a goal that would take a full year to implement.  It became the one big thing I was working on.

Last year it was a financial goal: to help hundreds of  families find financial margin in their lives, to help them live on mission financially and create a stronger future for us together as a church.  I did a few things to help me accomplish this goal. A few of the things I did include:

• setting time aside every week to work on this one big thing.
• engaging our whole team on this one big thing.
• enlisting  Casey Graham and Giving Rocket to help us (I’m not being paid to give this endorsement, but seriously, ministry leaders you should join Giving Rocket).
• deciding to make a full year commitment to the project, and an ongoing commitment to make it part of our DNA.
• being willing to measure results annually, not just weekly or monthly.

The results surprised even me.  We surpassed every target we set.  The only difference this year is this single subject had far more of my attention and the attention of our team.  Sure, we prayed and God was very gracious.  But God wasn’t any less gracious on the years we failed to meet our hopes and dreams.  He’s always been in favour of generosity.

It made me realize the difference the focus on the leader can have.  And with so many things competing for it, it’s our responsibility to choose our focus carefully and strategically.

This year, my focus is going to be on leadership development.  12 months of committed focus to helping raise up more leaders.  This has always been important.  It just hasn’t had my full attention.  But this year it will.

So what about you?  What’s your one big thing you need to get done but never find time for?  Here are some questions to help you discover it

• What would on things would most benefit the mission you’re trying to accomplish?
• What do you hope to accomplish more than anything else over the next twelve months?
• What would make the organization you help lead significantly better twelve months from now if you were to accomplish it?

We tend to overestimate what we can accomplish by focusing on something for a week, and underestimate what can be accomplished if we focus on something for a year.   Take it a step further:  after having focused on ten things over a decade, can you imagine how different your world could be?

What have you learned about setting one big goal?  How has it helped channel your energy and attention?

Leadership requires a certain amount of courage.  Actually a ton of courage.

A leader has to get people to go where they wouldn’t go if it wasn’t for the leader.   Did you catch that?   Great leadership calls people to do what they otherwise wouldn’t do.  That’s why it’s so hard. How many of us really like to do things we wouldn’t normally do?

Which is why a major battle every leader faces is fear.  I’m increasing convinced that what’s capping the potential of so much in the church and in life these days is just plain fear.

We’re afraid of:

• People who will leave
• The unknown
• Not being up to the task
• Blowing the success we’ve already experienced
• People who will stop giving
• Losing our popularity
• Having to suffer

You and I need to deal with our fears.  Because something happens to fear when you let it incubate.

When fear becomes a habit, it becomes really difficult to tell the difference between fear and laziness. The writer of Proverbs 26:13 understood that:

The lazy person claims, “There’s a lion on the road!

Yes, I’m sure there’s a lion out there!”

I hear people say it all the time, there are more than a few lazy leaders out there.  Some may always have been lazy.  But I wonder if the rest just let fear become a habit.  And after awhile, there’s very little difference between the fearful leader and the lazy leader.

They get the same results in the end.  And it really no longer matters how they started out; the end is the same.

How many dreams have died in your heart because you were afraid?  How many dreams died in the hearts of others because you were afraid?  Have you been afraid long enough that people on the outside looking in can’t tell the difference between you and a lazy leader?

Don’t get me wrong, you never set out to lead something because you were lazy.  But eventually, people can’t tell the difference.

Maybe it’s time to start dealing with your fears.  Maybe it’s time to find some courage.  Because nobody likes to be called lazy, even if,  in the end, it’s hard to remember how you got there.

Maybe one of the very best things you can do today is to do something to confront your fears.