Like everyone else, I’m devastated over the mass school shooting at Newtown Connecticut yesterday. The thought of school children being gunned down before their life had barely begun is tragic beyond words.

It’s one of those moments where few of us really have words to describe what we feel. We’re shocked, devastated and simply want it to stop.

Our prayers are with the families and with everyone else impacted by this indescribably sad event.

Moments like this call out all kind of instincts in us. We wonder what could have been done to prevent the tragedy. Calls are going out for changes to laws and renewed gun control measures.

Events like yesterday’s also call out the instinct to pray and turn to God.

Last night and this morning, citizens of Newtown flooded churches in response to the shootings. Hashtags on twitter like #PrayforNewtown are seeing hundreds of tweets per minute. People tend to see the need for Jesus and the church most clearly in the wake of a tragedy.  People flooded back after 9/11, after natural disasters and after significant crises that stop us in our tracks.

I’m so thankful that we have those instincts. Church is exactly where we all need to be during and after a crisis. It’s exactly where churched people and unchurched people belong – in the presence of a Heavenly Father and Saviour who really do love the world.

But then, inevitably, life resumes its normal pace and we forget.

What bothers me is that sometimes as a church leader I even forget how urgent our mission is. The daily grind has a way of dulling urgency that’s subtle but so sad.

Sometimes I’m tempted to think that next Sunday is just another Sunday. It’s not. It never is.

Sometimes I almost drift into thinking that what the church does is important, but maybe not ‘most important’.  That’s so wrong. It’s the most important force at work in the world because it’s Jesus’ church.

Sometimes I’m tempted to think what we do is cool. It’s not cool. It’s the difference between life and death.

The mission of the church is always urgent. The need to introduce people to the love of Christ is no different today than it was last Wednesday or in July before any of this happened. It’s as urgent as ever.

The mission of the church is urgent because it is the one thing that changes everything.

And so I’m reminded on this day that what we do on Sunday is the most important thing we could do. And how we live out mission of our Saviour all next week and beyond in praying, inviting, serving and giving is indeed the most important thing we can do.

To all of you who do this week in and week out – thank you.

To all of you who want to join in during seasons like this – thank you.

Now let’s just roll up our sleeves and live like it was the most urgent thing we could do. Every day.

When the church reaches its mission, people change. And when people change, communities are transformed, nations change and the world changes.

There is nothing more important you and I can do with your time and influence in the next week (and for the rest of your life) than fulfill the mission Christ gave us.

Nothing.

For it is the one thing that changes everything, as we are reminded again this week.

This is Part 4 of a 5 part blog series designed to answer your questions on leading change. It’s part of Change Week – from December 10-17th.

We’re marking the release of my new book Leading Change Without Losing It with a special, limited time 50% discount for Kindle and iBooks (or here for iBooks Canada). Plus we have some giveways and more (see below). Thank you for helping the book become a bestseller in its first week.

One of the reasons leaders decide to settle for the status quo rather than leading change is because they’ve heard the horror stories of how people get crushed in the process of change.

Change can run like a steam roller over people. We’ve seen it happen in the corporate world and we’ve seen it happen in ministry.

Jon, a young church leader from the UK, frames the issue well in his question on leading change:

How do you bring about change without crushing people along the way? In other words, when people have been doing ‘their’ ministry for many many years, who are very much more senior in years, and have seen fruitfulness in the past but for today it’s not fit for service, but they can’t see that, how do you help them to see that without saying to them, along the lines of, “what you’re doing is rubbish” and therein crippling them.

I don’t know of a single leader who hasn’t been in the jaws of the dilemma Jon is describing. How do you lead change without crushing people?

Believe it or not, you can do it. It begins with a simple premise. Don’t crush people. Crush the problem.

And you do that this way: Attack problems, not people.

When you decide to attack a problem, you make progress. When you decide to attack a person, well…you know how distrastrously that usually ends.

Here are four little know ways to lead change without crushing people by attacking the problem, not the person:

1. Turn to God so you won’t turn on them. Your frustration has to go somewhere. And if you’re not intentional, the person who will bear the brunt of your frustration is the person you’re frustrated with. You know this. You’ve done it with your spouse, your kids and others, and you’ve probably done it within your organization.

Christians have a distinct advantage here. We can turn to God. But to do it, you need to make your prayer life more authentic. King David figured this out. I always admired his reluctance to strike back at his enemies like King Saul. How did he show so much restraint?

Answer: he showed public restraint because he let his frustration out privately, in prayer. Read Psalm 109. Seriously – read it. Hear what it says. It will curl your hair. Get that authentic in your prayer life and your frustration will run its course long before you get to the meeting or the phone call with the person you’re angry with.

2. Separate the person from the problem. It’s tempting in leadership to think that the person is the problem. Don’t. Separate the two. If you make the problem the focus of your attention, you even have a shot at recruiting your ‘opponents’ to help you attack it.  Sometimes, enemies become allies. And even if they don’t, you’ve unleashed your leadership on a problem and allowed people to disagree with dignity.

3. Wait. When it comes to conflict, almost everything gets better overnight. Don’t respond in the moment. Don’t answer that email yet. When someone attacks you publicly, don’t respond. Go home. Pray about it. Sleep on it. Talk to God (and a friend) about it. Wake up the next morning, and handle it then. You’ll respond with far more grace, wisdom and humility. I promise.

4. Take the high road. The high road isn’t the easy road, but it is the best road. It is so difficult but so worth it. The emotions that make you want to respond in kind will leave you feeling good for ten minutes. And they’ll also leave you regretting what you did for ten years. So don’t.  When I’ve been in my most difficult moments leading change, there are days where I just silently repeated “Take the high road, take the high road, take the high road” to myself until I decided to do it. In those moments, I’ve been so glad I did.

Leading change without crushing people is as much about your personal conduct as it is about anything else. The other strategies in Leading Change Without Losing It can lead you throw the how of organizational change. But when it comes to not crushing people, it’s all about the how of you.

Those are some things I’ve learned. What has helped you? What questions remain? Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you!

______________

For your chance to win a free copy of the book during launch week, tweet about the book, this post or change using the hashtag #changebook. Then, on Monday, December 17th I’ll select three winners who used the #changebook hashtag on twitter:

1. Two will win a free copy of the book.
2. One winner will win
   1. Copies of the book for their entire team (up to twelve copies);  and
   2. A one hour video consultation with me to work through your specific change scenario with you.

Thanks for helping us spread the word.

Welcome to Change Week on the blog! This is Part 1 of a 5 part blog series designed to answer your questions on leading change.

We’re celebrating the release of my new book Leading Change Without Losing It with a special, limited time 50% discount for Kindle and iBooks (or here for iBooks Canada). Plus we have some giveways and more (see below).

I get this question all the time: how do you lead change when you’re not the senior leader? That shouldn’t be a surprise. The reality is, far more people are NOT the senior leader than are the senior leader.

I appreciate the way Rob asked the question:

Sometimes people who are not the lead pastor or CEO, but the associate, might see needs for change that the key leader does not. How do you help them see the need for change and initiate it?

I think Rob’s already unlocked two keys. Deciding to “help them see the need” for change and “help them initiate it” is a great way to start thinking about the issue.

So here are five ways you can ‘lead up’ to your senior leader when you want to broker change:

1. Think cross-organizationally.  Make sure you take some time to process the change you want to see. Think through how it impacts the entire organization. Understand that your senior leader may have budget restraints and many other interests to balance, like a board of directors or elder board. Show him or her that you understand that and you’re willing to be flexible on some points.

Showing your senior leader you understand the bigger picture is huge. I’ll disclose a bias here. When someone on my team comes to me with any idea and I realize they have thought it through cross-organizationally (how it impacts the entire organization), I am far more open to it than otherwise. They helped me do my homework. They showed me they’re leading at the next level. I try to never shut down ideas, but often before the person is done their presentation I’ve already thought through 15 implications of their idea. If they show me they’ve thought through the 15 implications before they got to my office, I’m completely impressed and very open. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, I’m just saying it’s a true thing. And I think it’s true of most senior leaders.

2. Express desires, not demands. No one likes a demanding person. In fact, when someone demands something there’s something inside me that wants to not give them what they asked for. I don’t always follow that impulse, but expressing demands damages relationships. Instead, talk about what you desire. Show respect and tell him how you feel – don’t tell him how you think he should feel. And above all, don’t be demanding.

3. Explain the why behind the what. As Simon Sinek has so rightly pointed out, people don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.  Your best argument is not the what (we need to completely transform our church) or  the how (here’s how you should do it). It’s the why (I think I’ve discovered a more effective way to reach families in our community and help parents win at home…can I talk to you about that?) The more you explain the why, the more people will be open to the what and the how. Lead with why. Season your conversation with why. And close with why.

4. Stay publicly loyal. Andy Stanley has said it this way: public loyalty buys you private leverage. It’s so true. If you start complaining about how resistant your senior leader is, not only does that compromise your personal integrity, he’s not dumb. He’ll probably hear about it and he will lose respect for you. In my mind as a senior leader, the team members who conduct themselves like a cohesive team always have the greatest private influence. Your public loyalty will buy you private leverage.

5. Be a part of the solution. If you’re discontent (which you should be, as we saw yesterday), it’s not that difficult to drift into the category of critic. Unless – that is – you decide to be part of the solution. Offer help. Run with your leader on the project. Be the most helpful you can be. Offer to do the leg work. Offer to bring your best ideas to the table every day. Offer to help in any way you can. You can’t build the future on critics. But you can build the future on people who want to be part of the solution.

Those are five ideas on how to lead change when you’re not the senior leader.

Non-senior leaders, what would you add?

Senior leaders, what other advice would you give?

____________________

For your chance to win a free copy of the book during launch week, tweet about the book, this post or change using the hashtag #changebook. Then, on Monday, December 17th I’ll select three winners who used the #changebook hashtag on twitter:

1. Two will win a free copy of the book.
2. One winner will win
   1. Copies of the book for their entire team (up to twelve copies);  and
   2. A one hour video consultation with me to work through your specific change scenario with you.

Thanks for helping us spread the word.

Yesterday, on Day One of Launch, Leading Change Without Losing became the #1 best selling ministry book on Kindle and charted on numerous other Amazon best seller lists. I’m excited to imagine the difference that might make in so many churches and organizations. Let’s keep leading change together!