So you’re almost ready to head home from three days of high octane inspiration and information at Orange Conference. You have ideas and dreams that have you incredibly motivated and excited. There are only two problems:

1. You aren’t the senior leader in your church.
2. The senior leader isn’t here (or is but doesn’t buy in).

What do you do? Here are five strategies on how to lead up when you get home:

1. Slow down. You will be tempted to go home and burst onto the scene with unbridled enthusiasm, casting vision for sweeping change. That might be a mistake. Don’t overestimate what you can accomplish in a month. But don’t underestimate what you can accomplish in a year if you have a well-thought through strategy and approach.

2. Think comprehensively. Orange is a strategy. It’s designed to work throughout the church. Make sure you take some time to process what you’ve learned to see how it impacts the entire organization. Understand that your senior pastor may have budget restraints and many other interests to balance. Show him or her that your proposal understands that and you’re willing to be flexible on some points. Showing your senior leader you understand the bigger picture is huge.

3. Express desires, not demands. No one likes a demanding person. In fact, when someone demands something there’s something inside me that wants to not give them what they asked for. I don’t always follow that impulse, but expressing demands damages relationships. Instead, talk about what you desire. Show respect and tell him how you feel – don’t tell him how you think he should feel. And above all, don’t be demanding.

4. Explain the why behind the what. Your best argument is not the what (we need to completely transform our church and here’s how to do it). It’s the why (I think I’ve discovered a more effective way to reach families in our community and help parents win at home…can I talk to you about that?) The more you explain the why, the more people will be open to the what and the how. Lead with why. Season your conversation with why. And close with why.

5. Stay publicly loyal. Andy Stanley has said it this way: public loyalty buys you private leverage. It’s so true. If you start complaining about how resistant your senior leader is, not only does that compromise your personal integrity, he’s not dumb. He’ll probably hear about it and he will lose respect for you. In my mind as a senior leader, the team members who conduct themselves like a cohesive team always have the greatest private influence. Your public loyalty will buy you private leverage.

Well, those are a few thoughts from a guy who is a senior leader. What are you learning in this area? What’s worked for your team as you’ve engineered change?

I love conferences. But like any good thing, if you’re not careful, you can still fall into some traps:

Here are five I see, most of which I have had some personal experience with:

1. Accepting inspiration as a subsitute for execution. Sometimes you really do need a new idea or insight. And inspiration is amazing! Conferences provide that. But what you absolutely must do is execute. So many great ideas fail for lack of execution. A great conference is not about how inspired you feel, what you did with what you learned (and experienced).

2. Assuming the speakers have it all together. As Steven Furtick has somewhat famously said, all of us compare our B roll with everyone else’s highlight reel. What you are getting from conference speakers is their very best material. They go home to problems just like you do – just different problems. When we forget that – even for a moment – we start to feel badly about our own ministries and begin to imagine how awesome it would be if we worked for another church. Guess what? Once in a while even the best speaker feels the same way. They see all the cracks in their organization too – just like you do. Ironically, good leaders always see the problems. You just see yours more clearly.

3. Poking holes in other people’s success stories. This is the flip side of trap #2. You can believe that some leaders live in a land of bliss, or you can become the cynic who discounts every other success story and comes up with a thousand reasons why they have met with more success than you have. Quite frankly, that’s just envy. And insecurity. And not from God. Just don’t go there. That kind of conversation doesn’t help anybody, not even you.

4. Skipping out. Somewhere on day two, we all get overwhelmed. It’s easy to skip out on sessions and you are on full overload and go for a coffee instead. I suppose if you paid for the conference fully out of your own pocket, you are free to do that. But if you didn’t, you kind of have a responsibility, don’t you? And althought it might be two or three days of intense learning, if you take good notes, you can really benefit from what you learned over a few days for years down the road.

5. Not thinking systems. Sure, we all get dozens of ideas at a conference. But they tend to come from a variety of sources and contexts. Most leaders operate within a consistent ‘model’ or ‘system’. When you hear multiple speakers, you are actually hearing mutiple models and multiple systems. While they are all ‘successful’, they are not all compatible. It’s work, but it’s a great idea to think through the assumptions and systems underneath each idea and then figure out how they integrate together and how they might integrate in your system. Otherwise it’s a bit like taking your MacBook in for repair and fixing it with parts from an iPad, an Android smart phone and a gaming system. They all work within their context, but put them together randomly in your computer and nothing might work.

These are some traps I’ve seen (and sometimes fallen into). What traps have you discovered?

I was at Elephant Room this week, a forum hosted by Harvest Bible Chapel for pastors and church leaders.

The best part for me was the honesty, candour and wisdom shared by the panel:  James MacDonald, Mark Driscoll, Steven Furtick, Jack Graham, T.D. Jakes,  Wayne Cordeiro and Crawford Lorritz.

Here are a few insights that really impacted me (in no particular order):

“It’s easier to be a critic than to be a pastor.”  Mark Driscoll

“The devil can’t steal my ministry.  He has no authority.  So he’ll just steal the joy of my ministry.”  Wayne Cordeiro

“Write the cheque.  Go back to sleep.”  James MacDonald on the limits of cheque-book evangelism.

“None of our books will be on sale in heaven.”  T.D. Jakes, on the limits of human theology.

“You can’t integrate the church until you integrate your life.”  T.D. Jakes on racial integration.

“You are ready for restoration in ministry when you are known more for your repentance than for your sin.” Spurgeon (via T.D. Jakes)

“You can teach what you know but you reproduce what you are.”  Wayne Cordeiro

“We use anger as a substitute for the anointing of God.” T.D. Jakes on how some preachers over-rely on anger in preaching.

“Just because someone doesn’t want you in their circle anymore doesn’t mean that they can’t be in yours.”  James Macdonald quoting Craig Groeschel

“There is a difference between leadership development and developing leaders.” (missed the source)

And finally, this raw confession:

“I always knew God loved me, but I thought it was because he had to. Now I realize he wants to.”  Steven Furtick

Loved the Elephant Room.

What other insights have you gleaned lately, at the ER or elsewhere that have helped you?

So you’ve heard the buzz and the jokes.  Harold Camping has predicted that the world will end on Saturday May 21, 2011.  We even have billboards proclaiming that here in Central Ontario.

So will it?  Well, probably not.  In fact, I’ve got Harold Camping’s book 1994 in my library somewhere. That thick manual is his earlier prediction that the world will end in 1994.  Ironically, you can still buy it on Amazon.

I agree with Jesus that no one will know the hour when Christ comes back.  It’s actually a good idea to agree with Jesus on things, especially when it comes to the world ending and all that.

Jesus said while he was on earth he didn’t even know the day or time.  So I figure if Jesus and the angels didn’t know, and I got 27% in grade 12 chemistry, then how would I ever be able to figure it out?

As bizzarre as tomorrow’s prediction is, it leaves me uneasy. Here’s why.  One day Christ will come back.

And that will be an awesome day and a terrible day.  When we finally realize it’s actually happening, we won’t be able to change anything.  I might in fact be late for many people you and I know and love.

Today is not that day.  At least not yet. Which makes what you and I do today so important.

And one day – when we least expect – it really will happen.  And in all likelihood, it will surprise even the people who buy billboards and write books.

So we get ready to celebrate the greatest moment in human history (Easter), and I’m worked up about it. It’s not that I dislike Good Friday, Easter and Christmas themselves.  I love what they’re about.  But as a lead pastor, I find them to be the most difficult services of the year to plan for. That’s what’s got me worked up.

Here’s why:  Most people know the story.  And most don’t care.

It’s like this:  I live an hour north of Toronto but listen to Toronto radio.  I hear all the traffic reports, but I live far enough north of the city that they really don’t bother me.  So instead of hearing the traffic report I hear ‘blah blah blah blah’.  The weather? I tune in like a laser.  Because we pretty much have the same weather patterns as Toronto.  I’ve developed a relevance filter.  I care about what impacts me…not just what happens.  Not saying that’s good…I’m just saying that’s true.

I think every person who walks in our doors this weekend has a filter like that.  Most of us will think we’ve done our job when we tell people what happened (Jesus died…Jesus is alive) and mourn or celebrate appropriately.  Over the years I’ve watched thousands of unchurched people walk out of those services unchanged.  It’s like there saying “Yep, I know.  So what?”  They wanted the weather report.  The way we presented Easter feels to them like a traffic report for another city.

That’s why I get all worked up before Christmas and Easter.  To simply tell them isn’t enough for most unchurched people.  And you can go all spiritual on me and tell me that the word will not return empty (I get that and actually believe it), but the truth is 98% of them won’t be back…at least until the next major holiday or the next tragedy in their life or until someone invites them and helps explain why it’s relevant.

Here’s what I’m trying to focus on more and more as we head into major holidays. I think our job is tell them not only what happened, but why it matters.  I think our goal is to tell them why they can’t just leave and not respond.  When you answer why, you establish relevance. You help people bridge the gap between what they know about and what they care about.

We shot Easter Sunday’s message this year for Connexus in a graveyard and talked about how you can dismiss an idea, a fact or a concept, but it’s pretty hard to dismiss a dead man walking.  When a dead man is walking and making claims about life and God and you, you can’t just sit there.  You have the respond.  You have to react.   And we’re going to give people a chance to respond…we’re going to try to help people get to a decision point.  Everything from the opener in the service, the worship leader’s bridges, to song choice to the message itself and the way we pray can help people understand why what we’re celebrating is relevant.

I don’t think we’ve cracked the code by any stretch of the imagination.  But I think the church has to do better on major holidays.

What do you think?  What’s helped you?

This study profiled by CNN last week suggests religion might be extinct in Canada within 100 years.

More and more people are affiliating themselves with the category called “unaffiliated”, which I think is the technical term for ‘no thanks’ when it comes to Christianity and religion.

The study doesn’t surprise me, but it does distress me.  I thought we’d unpack this on the blog a bit – the implications are huge.

When tough things occur,  I’ve seen church leaders approach the issue from four principal positions.

Blame

Justification

Resignation

Repentance

The blamers deride minor hockey games on Sunday, Sunday shopping, the kids who left who just weren’t loyal, the government, the education system, the growth of the ‘mega-church’ (which is a bit of a misnomer in Canada anyway) – essentially anything and anyone that moves who isn’t them.  The future is rarely built by people who blame.

The justifiers explain why our demise is inevitable.  They sound a lot like the blamers, but they’re not as angry.  It’s not their fault that the church is dying – clearly it’s someone else’s issue.  And there’s a thousand reasons for it (none of which are their fault in case you didn’t catch that).  They’ll tell you all about it.

The resigners are the least passionate of the bunch.  The demise of the church, while regrettable, is almost logical.  In a post-modern, post-Christian, pluralistic world, the church really can’t compete.  Perhaps it’s just best to plan a quiet, dignified funeral.

The repenters are the rarest group.  They see the problems and the cultural shift, but rather than point blame outward, they assign responsibility inward.  They confess the sins not of the culture, but of the church.  Or more specifically, they confess their own sins.  They realize the problem is that when we have a sacred truth that isn’t connecting, the problem isn’t with the sacred truth, but with those who bear it.  They pray, fast, weep and then they do something even more remarkable.  They change.  They reform.  Did you ever notice the Reformation started first with confessing the sins of the existing church? People repented and out of repentance came renewal.

When you adopt the mantra of repentance, anything and everything can change.  If you start with repentance, it never ends there.  Blaming, justifying and resigning yourself to things ends possibilities.  Repenting releases fresh possibilities.  I believe a church that confesses will be around 100 years from.  They might even reverse the trend completely.

What do you think the predominant response of the church has been to our pending demise?  What would it take to move more leaders to repentance?

I’d love to hear what some of your key insights for 2010 were.  Here’s a random sharing of some of the best learnings I’ve had in 2010:

• What people get involved in becomes the mission. My friend Fred Stewart shared this with me in the spring as we were reviewing a talk I was doing. It resonated so deeply. It’s why people leave your church when their favourite program shuts down.  They’ve lost their place.  They’ve misconstrued the mission.  It made my commitment to a simple model of church even stronger. If people only get involved in things that are core to the mission, then you end up with a much greater chance of seeing a missionally aligned community.

• You have less time than you think, but more influence that you realize. We sent my oldest son off to college in September.  To say it flew is an understatement.  Obviously our relationship is still influential – even critical in his life and ours.  And despite all my miscues as a parent, my 18 years of shaping him and influencing him at home is complete.  For better or worse, we’ve shaped him.  I had less time than I thought, and more influence than I realized.

• There is a world of difference in trusting God for something, and simply trusting God. I know that’s not new, but it really hit home this year.  In fact, I’m preaching a series around it in spring 2011 called “Three Letter Word”.  The three letter word?  ”For”.  If I could stop trusting God for things and simply trust God, where would my relationship with God be?  I’m anxious to find out.

I’ll share some more tomorrow.

What did you learn this year that stuck with you?  What are you learning about the things I’ve shared above?

I’ve been married in real life to the same amazing woman for twenty years.  We met in person, not online.  Only eight people were on the internet in 1990.   We weren’t two of them.

But this weekend I’m preaching on the difference between on-line and real life relationship as part of our Like Me series. You can watch parts one and two of the series here on on iTunes (search Connexus Community Church).   I have some thoughts based on my experience with social media, some resources I’ve read and of course, what the Bible teaches about relationships.  But I’ve never been in an online relationship.

Many of you have. I’d to hear from some of you who have fallen in love on line.  Those of you who met and stayed together or met and broke up.

Some questions:

• What got you into the relationship?
• What was enticing about the relationship?
• What was difficult?
• How hard was the transition from on-line to real life?
• What would you do differently?
• What do you regret?

You can answer all or just one of the questions.  All comments are moderated, but if you want to use an assumed name…I’ll allow that on this post.

Thanks!

- Carey

PS.  The promised blog post on reaching people who don’t go to church is still on its way.  Thanks for your patience!

So I feel like I emerged from a cave yesterday when I came out of a five day social media fast.  How do I feel?  Like the rest of the world gets around by sports car and I got handed a wagon with a broken wheel and no horse.

My rules were simple:  communicate with people voice to voice or face to face for five days.  I got rid of Facebook and Twitter, and only answered texts and emails with a return voice call, not by keyboard.

I thought it was going to be a great week – I’d be more spiritual.  More time for rich relationships.  Time to deeply reflect.  Mind you, I try to take time like that every week.  But I thought my social media fast would enhance that to the nth degree.

Uh.  No.  Not at all.   It just made everything more difficult and more complicated.  Sign of an addict?  I don’t think so.  Hope not.  Read on and make up your own mind.

Some random learnings:

• It wasn’t that hard not to tweet or update my Facebook status.  I had the urge, but it wasn’t like the response a caffeine addict might have to no coffee.  I could easily last a month or more.
• What I did miss is knowing what was going on in my friends’ lives.  Most of the benefit of social media for me is staying in touch and keeping up on what’s happening in other peoples lives and ministries.  It felt lonely actually, like a bunch of great people had exited my life.
• It was incredibly inconvenient.   I could not get to inbox zero because I couldn’t effectively follow up on everything that came across my inbox or desktop.  Not only was it inconvenient for me, it was very inconvenient for our staff and other colleagues.
• Phone communication isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  When you’re used to communicating with someone via text or direct messages, switching it up to voice mail makes is more complicated. Text based messaging gets sent at the convenience of the sender and read at the convenience of the recipient.  The phone is very intrusive compared to that.
• Good communication rule: communicate with people the way they want to be communicated with.  I decided I would read email but ask people to respond by phone.  I had an auto-responder set up on the gmail explaining my five day fast and asked people to call me instead.  Not many did.  I could be wildly unpopular or it might just be that people pick the channel of communication they want and stick to it.  I did call a few people and we had some fun conversations, but got more voicemails than actual conversations.  Online messaging is FAR more efficient and fun.
• I did have more time reflect and think last week…not much, but some.  But I felt my world got much smaller, and I missed the people who make it larger and richer for their presence.

Conclusions

• I thought the fast would be liberating, clarifying and spiritually uplifting.  Instead, it was mostly inconvenient.
• Social media can lead to narcissism for sure, but I found I wasn’t really missing updating my own status, I was missing every else.  And missing the chance to engage and interact.
• I thought I would be asking everyone to do a media fast in our Like Me series on social media (coming up in November at Connexus).  Maybe a better bottom line is this:  some of us (narcissistic folks etc) need to use social media less, but some of us need to use it more. If you’re not texting, on Facebook or online in any meaningful way, you’re missing a huge part of the conversation.  You’re being left behind.  And people younger than you might not be talking to you at all.  This is just actually the way millions of people communicate now.  You miss it at your own peril.

That’s what I learned.  Ever done a media fast? What was your experience? If you haven’t done one, what do you think you might discover if you did one?

This week I’ve decided to fast from social media (Facebook, Twitter, blog commenting, even email)….actually all forms of online communication.  It’s in preparation for a series we’ve been planning for a long time at Connexus called “Like Me”.  I want to drill down on the implications of what’s happening to human relationships as a result of social media.

The truth is, like so many, I love social media.  But as Shane Hipps and others have pointed out, it’s a double edged sword.  You can be much more selective in where you journey with a person online than you can in a face to face relationship.  We’re calling the final week of the Like Me series “Going All The Way”, because in a real human relationship, you are stuck with someone in their good moments and their bad moments.  Defriending is much more complicated in real life than it is on line.

So for the next five days, I’m not responding to any social media.  Instead, I’m going to have the conversations I would normally have online face-to-face or voice-to-voice.  No keyboards…just conversation.

The point?  I want to see what impact it has on me after five days.

How about you? What impact do you think social media is having on you, positively or negatively?  I’ll return next Saturday and would love to see what you think.  In the meantime, call me or drop by!