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5 Ways To Convince Your Boss You’re Right

If you were in charge, everything would be different, wouldn’t it?

But you’re not. At least not yet.

You think you’re right (you have some great ideas). And you’ll do anything to convince your boss to do what you think your church or organization needs to do.

Which leads us to the big question.

How do you effect change when you’re NOT the senior leader? How do you lead change when you’re a staff member or simply a volunteer?

I’ve written two books on change, so I get that question all the time.

It’s easy to think you’re powerless or that you need to try to work around a leader with whom you disagree. But neither is a great strategy.

So what do you do if you want to bring about change, but you’re not the key decision maker?

If you do a little homework and learn to think differently, you can be exceptionally effective at leading change well, even when you’re not the senior leader. Even if you’re ‘just’ a staff member or ‘just’ a volunteer.

How?

Here are five ways you can ‘lead up’ to your boss when you want to broker change:

convince your boss

1. Think like a senior leader

So you’re not a senior leader, but try to imagine that you were. Imagine the pressures and issues facing your senior leader and approach the conversation accordingly.

Think through how it impacts the entire organization.

Understand that your senior leader may have budget restraints and many other interests to balance, like a board of directors or elder board. Show him or her that you understand that and you’re willing to be flexible on some points.

Showing your boss that you understand the bigger picture is a huge step in the right direction.

As a senior leader myself, I’ll disclose a bias here.

When someone on my team comes to me with any idea, and I realize they have thought it through cross-organizationally (that is, they’ve thought through how it impacts the entire organization), I am far more open to it.

Why?

They’re thinking about more than just themselves.

They did their homework.

They helped me do my homework.

They showed me they’re leading at the next level.

I always try to be open to new ideas, but here’s the truth. Often before the person is done with their presentation, or we’ve finished the discussion, I’ve already thought through 15 implications of their idea.

If they show me theyve thought through the 15 implications before they got to my office, I’m thoroughly impressed and very open.

I’m not saying that’s a good thing; I’m just saying it’s a true thing.

And I think it’s true of most senior leaders.

When you think like a senior leader, you’re more likely to persuade a senior leader.

2. Express desires, not demands

No one likes a demanding person.

In fact, when someone demands something, there’s something inside me that doesn’t want to give them what they asked for.

I don’t always follow that impulse, but expressing demands damages relationships. Instead, talk about what you desire.

Show respect and tell him how you feel – don’t tell him how you think he should feel. And above all, don’t be demanding.

3. Explain the why behind the what

As Simon Sinek has so rightly pointed out, people don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.

Your best argument is not the what (we need to transform our church altogether) or the how (here’s how you should do it).

It’s the why (I think I’ve discovered a better way to reach families in our community and help parents win at home… can I talk to you about that?)

The more you explain the why the more people will be open to the what and the how.

Lead with why. Season your conversation with why. And close with why.

4. Stay publicly loyal

Andy Stanley has said it this way: public loyalty buys you private leverage.

It’s so true. Your senior leader isn’t dumb; if you start complaining about how resistant your senior leader is, he’ll probably hear about it. Not only is your personal integrity compromised, your senior leader will lose respect for you.

In my mind as a senior leader, the team members who conduct themselves like a cohesive team always have the greatest private influence.

Your public loyalty will buy you private leverage.

The title of this blog post explains how we all feel at times (why can’t everyone see I’m right????).

But when it come to leading change, respect and character will win you more points than your ideas.

Your character speaks far more loudly than any arguments you make. Loyalty and respect spring from your character.

5. Be outstanding at what you do

I’ve left what I think is the most persuasive factor until last.

You know what gets the attention of senior leaders? Team members who are amazing at what they do.

If you go above and beyond expectations, exceed the hopes leaders have for you and consistently over-deliver results, you already have the attention of a leader before you walk in the door.

If you don’t, well, it will take a lot of convincing that you’re right.

Your senior leader knows how well you’re performing, and their opinion of you directly impacts their receptivity to your ideas. Don’t think of it as judgment. Think of it as discernment.

If you were thinking of investing money, which investment adviser would you listen to, the adviser who gets a 20% return for clients year after year, or the one who loses 15% of their client’s money annually?

Exactly.

Leaders respect the team members who consistently deliver above expectations. Before you get upset, think about how your respect fluctuates with other leaders. You do exactly the same thing.

The best way to get a senior leader’s respect is to be outstanding at what you do.

What Have You Seen?

If you want more on change, I wrote about effectively leading change in my book Leading Change Without Losing It.

Non-senior leaders, what would you add?

Senior leaders, what other advice would you give?

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  • Terry B Lee

    Carey… great list. Related to #1, no one has autonomous, final say. Sole proprietors answer to customers, Lead Pastors to boards & congregants, the CEO to the CEO of the parent corporation.
    Answer the questions these “higher ups” will ask and you have helped yourself by helping me.

  • Kris Beckert

    I would add #6 “Speak his/her love language.” if he’s a numbers and stats guy (a C on the DISC), come prepared with research to back your proposal. If she’s a big-picture, inspirational person, speak to the influence and impact on people and relationships. If he’s a D, point to how it will make him look or support his vision. Communicating “I feel” to a thinker or vice versa results in a shut-down before any listening transpires.

    • Anthony Keve

      W/out devulging the ugly details I’ve been around a few that none of these, including #6, work. W/them you’ll never get a #5 chance.

      They know only one way – theirs! No amount facts, math & spreadsheets, pictures, ego-stroking, “thinking” versus “feeling” will sway them. It’s their way or the highway.

      In one instance I had, and took, a #5 chance. 4 years later, they were expert at what was “wrong*.” You couldn’t get them to admit success(es) @ gun point in spite of clear proof. They worked harder against the process while majoring* in the microscopic minors*.

      I pray no one has to deal w/the above.

  • Paul Loeffler

    I really appreciate this list. I’ve been on both sides of the leadership coin, and it’s certainly difficult to help some leaders – myself included – to see other perspectives. Even my wife, who is fantastic at helping me pull back and think about other ideas, doesn’t always get past my selfish, “I don’t want to be wrong,” barriers. So putting these things into practice, while not foolproof, are very helpful.

    I would like to ask a follow-up regarding #4: Stay publicly loyal. How does one do that when one is firmly convinced that the leadership’s decision wasn’t just a bad one (“That coffee shop name simply won’t fly.”), but a wrong one; as in, it’s going to damage hearts, or reputations, or simply do such large amounts of damage to the church family that people will leave? I’ll stick to the coffee shop example because I’m looking out my office window at our coffee shop… which I completely supported, and would have also gone to the mat on had the elders asked me to. None-the-less, let’s say that I was convinced that it was a sin (which we’ve been accused of by one or two people), and not just a bad financial decision. How do I publicly support the leadership when people come to me and complain? If I really believe it was a bad decision or a sin, wouldn’t voicing support be the same as lying to the people asking me my opinion? This is a real concern for me because I believe strongly in the practice of being publicly loyal, but haven’t quite figured out how to do it well in practice.