So today we leave on vacation.  17 days together as a family, including a week with my parents, sisters and their families.  It’s going to be incredibly fun.

And yes, I’m blogging on my holidays.  Here’s why: because it’s 5 a.m. and no one else is up…plus blogging is a way of processing for me.  It’s recreational.

But vacations haven’t always been fun for me.  In fact, they used to stress us out.  I say us, because you should talk to my wife Toni.  My stress stressed out more than just me.

Finally I learned what was making me stressed out and irritable, so over the years I’ve developed some unwritten vacation rules that really help me relax.  I’m writing them down here knowing your rules will be different (please share them), but that these rules have been game changers for me.

1. Prepare for your vacation, don’t just take it. I used to run into my holidays full speed, and it would take me half my holidays to unwind.  For the last week I’ve been catching up on my sleep.  We’ve done a month of vacation prep (it’s a big trip), and we’ve built the anticipation.  I can go into day one vacation fully rested and ready to enjoy (which is why I’m up at 5 a.m.)

2. Equip your team, and yourself, for your break. Leaving work behind is hard work.  I wasn’t good at this for years.  Now I spend at least two weeks before leaving asking “what does my team need while I’m away so they can run optimally and so I can rest?”  If all of that is lined up (I sent out dozens of ‘here’s what you need to look for/know/do when I’m away’ emails to team members before I leave), then they have way they need and I can get what I need: peace of mind, knowing everything will be okay.

3.  Delegate authority and responsibility. While this is good practice all the time, make sure you leave behind real decisions, real authority and real responsibility.  My assistant is handling my email for the entire vacation.  I gave her full authority to do whatever she thinks is best when I’m away.  Other teams are making key decisions while I’m gone.  And I know I will come back simply jump back into their flow.  I barely bought any minutes on my phone for our destination.  In part, because I know they won’t need to call me unless something dire happens.  Getting constant texts, calls and emails from the office while you are a way may be a sign that you haven’t delegated responsibility or authority well.

4.  Find out what fuels you. I have a friend who just got back from a vacation  in Eastern Canada where she stayed at bed and breakfasts, chatted with the locals and went to kitchen parties in people’s homes. She loved it.  I was thrilled for her but for me, that would be the opposite of vacation.  My dream vacation is where I go somewhere with my family,  know no one else and don’t need to talk to anyone who might know me.  I suppose it’s a way to refuel for living in a world where so many people know me and I get stopped for conversation virtually everywhere I go (happens to a lot of us in ministry). Also, camping is my nemesis.  Give me a good hotel and some day trips any day and I’m good to go.  We’ve worked it through as a family to the point where when we do the kind of vacation we’re currently doing, everyone comes back rested and recharged, ready to go.

5.Pick a goal for your holidays. My drivenness can make me feel like I waste time while away.  Other people are spectacular at resting, but I’m not.  So I’ve learned if I pick some goals for my holidays, it makes me feel better.  I have a few goals for this holiday.  One is to make it a great experience for my family.  Another is to read some books. Other objectives include taking (and processing) great photos on the trip and staying fit (brought my running shoes).  I feel less restless and more rested if I set a few goals. I also set a goal to be a worshipper when I’m on holidays.  Because I’m out of my leader’s saddle, I don’t like to skip Sundays.  I want to show up at church and every day in life as a worshipper.  Because in God’s eyes, that’s who I really am anyway, every day.

How about you?  What vacation rules do you have?  Or do you just unplug and think us A types are crazy?

People identify more with your failures and mistakes than your successes.

As a leader, it’s important to be transparent.  To let people see that you don’t have it all figured out, that you make mistakes and than you struggle with many of the same things they do.  I love it when a leader talks about their failures, struggles, insecurities or fears because it helps me feel like there’s hope for me.  I identify with them, and it helps me remember God hasn’t given up on me.

But how do you gauge the level of transparency you have with people?

We’ve also seen people disclose too much…bleed all over a stage or share things that aren’t close to ready for public consumption.  You don’t need to be a preacher or public speaker to see this – just read some status updates or visit a few blogs (‘my marriage is falling apart” or “i’m a terrible employee” are not helpful status updates.)  You know what I mean. When you see this kind of inappropriate disclosure, it leaves you feeling awkward and embarrassed for everyone.

Where’s the line?

I have a few things that have helped me navigate what to say and when to say it:

1. Someone needs to know everything. But that’s a very small circle.  It might be your spouse, your best friend, an accountability partner, or even a counselor.  That’s the circle where you process everything – especially the things you’re working through and you can’t figure it out.  And naturally, your prayer life should be this honest, this open and this raw.

2. A close circle knows most things. Probably somewhere between 3-5 people should have a good read on just about everything in your life.  You can call them or get together to talk about the ups and downs of life, love, relationships and uncertainties.  These are people you process things with in real time, where there’s no clear answer but just friends to help you through the journey.

3. Everyone else hears what’s helpful to them. This is literally everyone else (everyone from family to friends, neighbours, coworkers and perfect strangers.)  In the first two circles, you move from ‘friend in need of help” to ‘friend who can help others.”  This is the circle in which we are most tempted to pretend we have it all together, to admit few flaws.  But this is also where being appropriately transparent can be so life giving.

What do I mean by ‘appropriately transparent?”  A few things:

Share what you’ve worked through or are working through. My first two circles are the people I process life with.  They hear all the uncertainties and the unresolved issues.  Once I’ve worked through issues or are well into them, it’s healthier to share them with others, but not before them.  When I’m in the middle of something, I’m best off processing it within my close circle.

Make sure it’s helpful. The goal of sharing parts of your story with everyone else is that it helps them. It creates points of identification with your listener (they see you are like them) and they can draw courage, inspiration, relief or even practical help from it.

Some things are better left unsaid. If no one is really going to be better off for you saying what you want to say, why say it?  ”Unburdening” yourself publicly is, well, selfish if it doesn’t help others.

These are some things that are helping me navigate the tension of being transparent, but being appropriately transparent.  Do you agree?  What’s helped you handle this issue?

So the markets are melting again.  And the economic health of the western world is looking more and more spurious.

Fear’s a big deal.

How much of your life is governed by fear?

• Fear for your kids
• Fear over your finances
• Fear about what will happen if you don’t respond to someone’s criticism
• Fear about who’s leaving your church/company/social circle
• Fear over the implications of your next decision
• Fear about your health

We never really follow people whose fear got the best of them.  Likely because they never lead anywhere worth going.

You can get a temporary following by playing into people’s fears.  It happens all the time.  But it never lasts that long.  Here’s why: you can’t follow fear.

Fear doesn’t know where it’s going.  It only knows where it’s not going.

Courage, on the other hand, knows where it’s going.  It has a destination.  It leads somewhere.  It looks ahead, not back.

Courage and fear know each other well.  Every courageous person I know deals with fear. Courageous people just decide that forward is better than reverse or reaction.  They trust.

It’s intriguing to me that the opening line by virtually every angelic being in the bible to a human is “don’t be afraid”.   I imagine having a supernatural being appear to you would startle you for sure, but there’s got to be something to the fact that God’s first words to his people consistently seem to be “don’t be afraid”.   Maybe this whole thing truly is in his control.

Courage takes a different course than fear:

• It realizes your kids belong to God and the goal is to help them become independent anyway
• It creates a financial plan that while painful in the moment can navigate through tough times
• It realizes there’s truth in every criticism of some kind, but never leaves us stuck licking our wounds
• It focuses on who you’re going to reach, not just who you’re going to keep
• It sees the possibility in your next decision
• It realizes there are things that can kill the body that can’t touch the soul

We live in an era of fear.  What we need right now is courage.

If we really serve a God who can’t be shaken, Christians should be the most courageous and visionary people going.