Crisis Reveals Character
I almost got into a fight yesterday.
Not bad for a pastor on a Sunday night.
The details aren't that important, but let me just say it involved a hockey rink and another dad who started to act out toward my son. I told him in no uncertain terms he needed to back off. He then started verbally attacking me. It was over in 60 seconds (after drawing a crowd). No shoving, no pushing, no punching at all...but it was the closest I've come to a show down in a long time. I felt so angry and defensive inside. I'm glad he didn't hit me because I'm not sure how I would have responded. I would like to think I wouldn't have fought back...but who knows?
Last night reminded me about a principle I've been thinking about for the last year or so: crisis reveals character.
When I prepare for a meeting, a Sunday morning or even time out with friends or family, I can usually pull myself together quite nicely for the occasion. It can lead me to believe I've got my character under control. But nothing reveals character like a crisis.
I find that when I'm under pressure I learn more about myself - my cracks, my weaknesses, my true motivations, than at any other time. The temptation is to convince ourselves that our reactions under pressure are the exception to the rule (you were under stress....it happened so quickly). But I think they reveal more about than we care to admit.
What if those crisis points were a window into what God wants to do next in our lives? What if we didn't dismiss them, but saw them as a huge window for growth.
It's easy to spot in other people - the boss who loses his temper when challenged at staff meeting needs some anger management. The spouse who gets defensive every time a suggestion is made needs to think about why that is. We can write it off as instinct, but what gets revealed in crisis is our character. Crisis reveals character.
What do you think? Does crisis show you who you really are, for better or for worse? What are you learning about yourself in moments like those?
(By the way, I'll be working on how I react to provocation - praying through that. Oh, and you might want to stay away from me at the next game.)
I would just walk into the next game with a sling shot in your back pocket. Men of God with a sling shot are undefeated!
First of all, the Hockey game. It’s been an age old issue that the Hockey game seems to bring out the worst in some dad’s; and Mom’s. I played hockey for 13 years, in rep; and seen the worst. A player in Juvenile pulled the opposing coach of the bench and pounded him on the ice.
Forget any reservations, Carey, I’m royally impressed and proud of how you handled things. Even Jesus became angry from time to time.
I’ve been teased and tempted many a time and as a defenseman I had the option of adding another 100 pounds of force to the check the next time they broke down my side of the ice. Vindication. ? Then I felt bad watching him crawl the bench because he hit a brick wall. But, if I ever got into a fight, “Howie Meeker” (my dad) would have sold my equipment. I’d be pumping gas for a winter sport!
I’ve felt absolute rage walking away from a fight when I was young. Now that I’m older, fighting is just not part of life. While there have been confrontations in traffic, and I wanted to “even the score”, a real situation occurred to test my denomination, and, wouldn’t I least expect that I was controlled and absolute in my resolve, having not even hinted at brute force. I was surprised later. God came through in true colors. As he did with you. Angry and all.
I have no doubt that while you were challenged with such deliberate confrontation, and a natural instinct to protect your son, your emotion was just that; your internal emotion. If I was to ask the other party, I bet he felt intimidated by your composed resolve, which made him all the more angry.
Besides all that, why is it the parents think they have to play the game for their kids; pay them 5 bucks a goal, 2 bucks for a good check. Why they just don’t go and watch the game like the rest of the fans.
I don’t like to give long responses but this topic runs deep with me. I’ve been hit in the face by an irate player, after the game, in the lobby. While I was prepared to put real physics to practice, my proper upbringing kicked in and I just took the punch, looked at him as he cowered away in shame because his bravado proved nothing more than a lack of self control. All he had to show for his efforts was a scratch on my cheek and a huge bruise to his ego. I remember my ma looking at me with respect right after the incident.
How does your son feel about the event? How does he feel about you and how you handled the crises? That’s what I would call a mirror of true colors. I’m always concerned about how my actions impress my boys and ultimately, God.
Oooops! sorry for the long response.
well said Stephen.