The Slow Death of Selfish Ambition
Most of us secretly want to be better known, valued and appreciated than we are. For some of us, that's just in a wider relational circle. For others, it's more public. We long to be better known in our ministry, in our company, to see our product selling, our album get recorded, our blog get traction or to find ourselves thousands of Twitter followers or Facebook friends. If we were to pry behind the secret motivation...we think that would make us successful.
I know I've struggled with this over the years. When I was starting out in ministry, I wanted to be that guy who spoke at conferences and was well respected as a leader in ministry. You don't talk about that kind of thing much, but if you were to gain access to my sinful mind, the thought spun around in my head from time to time.
Then in a season of my life a few years ago, God wrestled that down. Well, that's putting it nicely. He snapped my ambition. He took me to a place where I realized that as much as I didn't want to admit it even to myself, much of my motivation was selfish and not God-honouring. I finally surrendered it to him. In fact, I he brought me to a point where I could see myself serving as an effective pastor without ever anyone knowing who I was. I didn't really want that definition of success. But I embraced it anyway. As best I could, I surrendered my ambition to God.
Ambition kills servants of God and turns them into servants of themselves. I've come to enjoy the slow death of selfish ambition in my life. It's not complete, but it's in progress. Here's what I'm learning and (now) loving about the difference.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, your personal sense of worth goes up and down with the opportunities ahead of you. When you're motivated by God, your value is solidly found in Christ every day.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, failure is terrifying. When you're motivated by God, failure becomes an opportunity for grace and growth.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you think you're the deal. When you're motivated by God, you know that He's the deal.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you use people to get you where you want to go. When you're motivated by God, you value people as you go.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you take the credit. When you're motivated by God, you realize how much God and the people around you deserve the credit.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you strive for breadth of exposure. When you're motivated by God, you focus on depth in your walk and let God determine the breadth of exposure he gives you.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you are always thinking about the next thing. When you're motivated by God, you're always thinking about what God wants to accomplish in your life today.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you're always comparing yourself to the other guy. When you're motivated by God, you begin to celebrate what God is doing through the other guy.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, it's hard to say no to any opportunity. When you're motivated by God, it's easier to say yes to balance and priorities.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you can feel entitled to any success that comes your way. When you're motivated by God, you simply feel grateful.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, the need to win is greater than the need to love. When you're motivated by God, the need to love is greater than the need to win.
- When you're motivated by selfish ambition, you are always insecure. When you're motivated by God, your security comes from His steadfast love.
I'm so grateful for these learnings. The journey isn't over yet, but I'm glad it's begun.
The ironic part of this story is that a year or so after God broke me on this issue, I got a call from a major church to speak at a conference in front of thousands of people. When I got the call, I was a bit blown away, but it didn't mean what it would have meant a year or two earlier. I could hold it loosely. It was an opportunity for the Kingdom, not just for me. Ironically, I've had more opportunities to do what I used to dream of doing than I ever did before God broke me. But I don't accept all of them - and those I do, I hold more loosely than ever before. And when they're over, I'm not 'fulfilled'. Increasingly I'm just grateful that God would use me in that way.
What are you learning about this struggle? What would you add to this "list"? In what ways is God speaking to you on this?
thank you. what a timely reminder for me!
When you are motivated by selfish ambition, you are hurt by those who misunderstand you. When you are motivated by God, there is great strength and peace in knowing the truth of who you have been created even when you are misuderstood.
Love this Carey…good stuff. Let me ask you this…How are you keeping selfish ambition and Godly ambition straight?
BTW…you were great at “that major church conference”
Hey Shef,
Thanks. That’s a great question. For me, it’s just a lot of self reflection, motive checking and prayer. I think knowing yourself is huge. I also have a handful of people I track with really closely that I can talk to about these things.
I’ve seen a counselor at different points in the past which has helped a lot. Been a few years now but some of the lessons I pulled from them have helped a bunch.
I think subconsciously I use the 12 points I put in the blog post as a personal motive test. I know in my heart why I’m doing it. The more honest I can be with myself, the more God can get the room he desires in my life.
Finally, it’s an ongoing struggle. The impulse to be selfish has never left me. So I just need to be aware that this will always be a struggle.
As someone once said, most of us can handle failure, but a real test in character is how you handle success. As God brings more and more our way, I have to be very intentional about yielding this daily.
What have you found helpful?
Carey
Great stuff….
I love that you share that you have seen a counselor. I think everyone needs counseling at some point.
I lean hard into authentic community (guys specifically) and a wife that will set me straight! She sees it before anyone and I can read it in her right away.
Thanks man.
An amazing bit of trivia…almost all the great leaders I know have at one time or another seen a counselor. Maybe that’s why they’ve been able to transcend what holds most of the rest of us captive. Intriguing….
Thanks for this post. I’ve been struggling with this issue lately. It does seem when you just let go and lay your desires on the altar, its a win/win. God wants to give us our desires but in a much better and healthier form than what you had in mind. I’ve had this happen to me recently. The key is to seek God first, not your desires. I have to be continually reminded of this truth however because the world will surely twist your thinking in this area.