So in our part of the country, school starts tomorrow and church "starts" next weekend.  Effectively what that means is thousands of people will try church for the first time in Central Ontario this month. 

There’s a lot at stake.  Can you imagine the courage it takes to walk into a church for the first time in years, or decades?  Can you imagine the internal angst some face as they wonder whether to risk going into a strange place full of people they mostly don’t know (or trust) to explore a God they’re not sure is there?  I feel that every time someone new steps into Connexus. And we can blow that first encounter before we know it if we’re not careful.

Over the last month I’ve had enough poor customer service experiences to reflect back on what we can do better in church to welcome a guest.  First impressions count.  And I know church attenders are not "customers", but in reality, there are some similarities. Here are some ways I’d love to be treated as a guest.

• It’s not about your needs, but my needs.  Two days ago I walked into a shoe store and the only two employees were so deeply engrossed in conversation I thought I’d never be able to get a question in.  Sometimes Christians are so engaged with each other that they forget to engage new people.
• Anticipate what I want.  Body language 101 can tell you whether a guest has a simple question, wants a warm welcome, or simply wants to find out where her two year old goes.  Determine early on what kind of information/experience the guest is seeking and meet that need. No less, nor more.
• Be warm.  Some guests don’t want chit chat.  Some do.  But in either case, a smile and an authentic openness can go a long way to making a guest see that they’ve hooked up with quality people.
• Take me there.  Don’t point to Aisle 16 "somewhere near the back".  Take me there. Show me.  If I’ve asked, it’s because I really want to find what I’m looking for.  I almost pointed someone to Xtreme yesterday, but instead, I corrected myself mid stream and walked them to the entrance.  Much better.
• Take an interest in my story. The best service people always engage people with basic questions "Where are you from?  How did you hear about us?"  They can surf off those questions to take a genuine interest in the guest’s story.

Churches tend to either smother people or be cold and anonymous, but if we can hit even a few of the notes above, I wonder how many more people might decide their first experience of church was a great one.

What do you think?  What are your stories?  What’s the worst that has happened to you?  The best?  What principles do you think we should follow/avoid when interacting with people?

Shift Seven: Forgive

This one sounds easy, but it’s harder than most of us think. Of course we forgive.  But do we?

Life brings lots of knocks and hard hits.  I had a few leading into 2006, but that year brought a whole spate of new ones.  It left me a bit numb. Without getting into details, I had some friends who really hurt me.  I owned whatever I could in the hurt and went back to them and apologized for my part, but ownership on their part was short and fleeting, and it left me stinging.

I thought I had let it go… but as someone once told me, you’ve only really forgiven someone if you can truly wish them well and mean it.  I had work to do.

In the last two years, I’ve realized new dimensions to forgiveness.  I realized how badly I need to forgive to truly be free and ready to move into tomorrow.

I realized I also needed to forgive myself for past mistakes. I can be nasty at beating myself.  The voices of critics echoed in my head enough that it became a loop I heard far too often.  I had to learn to park that, bringing it all before God to lay it down before Him.

On the otherside of forgiveness is freedom.  Psalm 32 explains the dynamic so well. It even talks about how unforgiveness drains us and saps our physical strength.

God is good, and forgiveness is not ony available, God is happy to extend it.  This shift helped so much. I’m still working on some of it, but to have released so much of it and truly wish the people who have hurt me well is quite liberating. 

What do you struggle with in forgiveness?  How good are you at forgiving yourself?  What kind of release lies on the other side for you – what kind of energy and strength await on the other side of forgiveness?

A sad and significant story has been breaking over the last week in Ontario, my home province.  Contaminated prepared meats from a major Toronto company have caused a listeria outbreak that has killed 12 people and caused others to fall ill.  All the tainted product can be traced to a single company in Toronto, Maple Leaf Foods.

In chatting about it with Toni casually yesterday, I said I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the end of Maple Leaf Foods.  They have been around for 100 years and are a major brand, but I was not sure they could recover from a problem this big.  Not only are they being sued in several class action suits, but I’m not sure consumers would ever trust the brand again.

This afternoon, I abruptly changed my mind.  The President of Maple Leaf Foods, Michael McCain, held a press conference and did something radical.  He didn’t blame the government.  He didn’t point fingers.  He didn’t make excuses.  He didn’t just apologize.

He assumed full responsibility for the situation.  He unapologetically said the buck stopped with him and his company.  They were to blame.  Check out what he said:

While this is the most unfortunate of events possible, I absolutely
do not believe that this is a failure of the Canadian food safety
system or the regulators.

Certainly knowing that there is a desire to assign blame, I want to reiterate that the buck stops right here.

So I emphasize this is our accountability … and it’s ours to fix,
which we are taking on fully. We have and will continue to improve on
our action plans and I’d like to give you an update on those plans as
of this moment.

He then went on to articulate their action plan, including all they knew and didn’t know as of today.  (If you want the full text of his comments, click here.)

I first heard about this in the car today on the radio, and I wanted to cheer.  In an age where few have the courage to stand up and accept blame and responsibility, Michael McCain did it. 

And an ironic thing happened: it made me want to buy Maple Leaf Food products.  It made want to trust his leadership.

When things go south, as they inevitably do at some point for all of us, the temptation is to sugar coat, ignore, blame, waffle, avoid or fail to admit what really happened.  The irony is the very thing we think will help us will actually hurt us.  And the very thing we are most afraid of – admitting the truth and accepting full responsibility – will ironically inspire confidence in others.

I say Kudos to McCain and Maple Leaf Foods.  How do you react to this?  How does this make you feel?  What personal lessons do you see in this?

Shift Six: Never Quit God

When you are down,it’s easy to quit.  That’s just true of anything. That’s how people go off diets, quit exercising, walk out on life partners, leave careers and more.  Repeat that pattern often and soon you have a life that not even you consider great anymore, as much as those decisions may have felt logical in the moment.

The same inclination happens spiritually.  When you are down, it’s easy to give up on God.  When I hit the worst stretch of my life so far two years ago, my spiritual "emotion" dried up.  Praying and reading the Bible felt vapid and empty. Now I was used to periods of time where things would go dry, but I always experienced a pretty rapid bounce back.

When I hit a wall in 2006, the bounce backs were very short lived and very sporadic.  It didn’t feel like the lights grew dim; at times, it felt like they went out.  It got to the point where long stretches of time would pass where I didn’t feel God at all.  My head started playing serious games with me, and I would say I was more tempted than ever before to imagine the whole God thing being bogus.  I had never really quit God before, but I was very tempted to quit him then.

But what I am so grateful for is that I didn’t quit.  As meaningless as the scripture felt some days, I still read them.  As empty as my prayers felt, I kept praying.  I thought about all the alternatives and came to the conclusion (reluctantly some days) that no matter how I felt, I just couldn’t quit God. 

And after months of what felt like a spiritual blackout (summer 2006) and another year of brown outs with occasional power surges (2007), a slow, steady and beautiful joy returned in 2008.  The remarkable thing: I changed nothing.  I kept praying and kept reading the bible throughout, but for whatever reason, the feelings in the journey returned.  Some of the most intimate times I’ve had with God in my life have come in the last six months.

I can’t emphasize this enough: I didn’t change anything really.  I just persevered.  I didn’t quit.  I don’t know why I didn’t, but I didn’t.  As much as I can’t claim credit for it, I am so grateful I kept going.

It leaves me wondering how many people have quit God during brown outs or black outs.  It left me wondering after a month or two or a year of drought, how many folks have just given up.

If that’s you…let me encourage you as friends encouraged me: the joy will come back.  The sun will rise again.  Don’t quit.  If you need to go through the motions, go through the motions.  God is good, even when you can’t feel it.

What’s your experience of this?  Stories?  Questions?  Agree?  Disagree? I’d love to learn more.

Shift Five: Pursue Intimacy

As we get ready for our lives to get back to "normal" right after Labour Day, here’s one more thing that I hope will help you create a new "normal":  pursue intimacy with God.

Sure, we want to pursue God.  But do most of us want to pursue intimacy with God?  If we do, there are two sure-fire destroyers of intimacy that stifle a lot of relationship with God: busyness and formality.

Try pursuing intimacy when you are busy.  It’s impossible.  Rush that date.  Promise you it won’t be intimate.  Try to have an intimate conversation in less than 60 seconds. Pretty tough?  Try building a deep  and intimate relationship with your spouse when you are distracted and thinking about other things.  Good luck.

We know this is true in human relationships, but how often have we tried to make our relationship with God work on seconds and minutes of distracted, second-best time?  Probably way more often than we want to admit.

The other intimacy killer in our relationship with God is formality.  Many of us feel we need to be formal with God – after all, He is God.  So we pray rote prayers or feel that somehow our language needs to suck up to God in ways we imagine are significant to Him. 

Try that in your marriage.  Address your wife as "Mrs." and see how she warms up to you.  Be merely polite to your friends and see how close you get.  Keep it all at introductory small talk and see how far any relationship develops.  It just won’t happen.

Over these last few years, I’ve been especially aware of how lots of unstructured, even informal time with God can develop a much stronger relationships.  When I was struggling just to find hope, it was about all I had left with God.  I’ve learned to be more authentic wit Him (as if He doesn’t know what I’m thinking), and unrushed time helps so much in growing me close to God.

How is your time with God?  How is your relationship going?  How much time is unstructured and even informal?  How much is still rushed and stiff?  What could change this week?

These almost six days away with the family have been fantastic.  The weather has been unreal, and we’ve had so much fun being away together. 

Surfing was a big hit this morning.  The kids loved it.  I was already to bike the afternoon away when I rolled over my bad ankle mounting a sand dune (that’s the killer dune on the left).  It will be fine (I reinjure it frequently these days) but it probably needs some rest today. Too bad.

Toni and I have spent a fair bit of time in New England over the years, and what’s starting to really alarm me is the lack of strong relevant churches in the US Northeast.  There are an assortment of church buildings, but most of them blend in with the quaint New England architecture and seem to be a polite and obscure part of the culture.  I’m praying for New England church leaders today. 

My heart goes out to people who are ministering in a highly secular context.  I hope you’ll pray for them today too!

Hey, on that note, I’m jazzed that our staff were finally able to announce today that we’ve got a new student pastor on the way.  Man, are we STOKED!  Check out the details here, and give thanks for a guy (and his family) who has many options in life but has chosen to devote his time to helping leaders reach students in our culture.  So glad that Jeff is joining Connexus!

Some more (limping) fun this afternoon and then a ride back tomorrow. 

Shift Four: Find a Friend

Be default over the years, I have been a pretty private person.  I handle most things pretty tightly.  My strengthfinders profile tells me I am a relator – I don’t have a lot of people who are close to me, but those who are close to me are people I trust implicitly and establish a deep loyalty too.  I’d say that’s accurate.

When I was doing through that tough season a few years ago, I had gone to see some Christian counsellors whose helpful message was that I couldn’t go through this alone.  Everything inside me said "yes I can", but I realized they were right.  I couldn’t do it alone.

I remember the night I shared what I was going through with my community group at the time. I’m sure my pride had kept me from talking about it before.  Plus, I had earlier been convinced I would just wake up out of this at some point and it would go away.  I didn’t need to tell anyone.  Clearly, that strategy was failing.  So I talked to our community group through some tears one night.  The love, prayer, empathy and compassion that poured forth was huge.  I was humbled and blown away.

The funk was deep enough that I decided I needed to talk to the elders about it too.  Again, the level of compassion and care and love blew me away.  They were so kind.

Toni, my wife, continues to show an unbelievably kindness.  And I have a handful of close friends near and far (some live a long way away), some colleagues and some staffers who tracked with me through this season.  I am so grateful for them.

Friendship is still not easy for me. I am really quite private at my core.  In this networked world, I know thousands of people by name, but if people get too close, I can still push away.  I’m working on that.  God’s working on that. There has been some big progress on that, I think.

But what I want to say is that I have come to realize that you can’t do it alone.  We are social beings.  We are meant to be together.

I am always surprised that when I sit down with someone to talk thorugh a life situation they are going through and I ask them "who else do you talk to this about", the #1 answer is "no one".   That breaks my heart.

If you’re going through a hard time, find a friend.  Talk to them. Pray with them.  For me, it was hard but life-giving to include a handful of people in a circle.  It was life giving to see a group of people in our elders and my community group care deeply.  If you are not in a community group, get into one.  Connexus folks, Group Link happens September 21st.

What’s your experience with community?  What has broken your heart, and what has healed your heart?

So I think our "drive all over the place" week of vacation was a little crazy.  At least that was my thought as we sat in several hours of traffic in Connecticut yesterday afternoon.  I expected traffic in NYC (and didn’t get it) but it was nuts through Stamford (another Office classic community) and beyond. 

We got into Cape Cod last night and I can’t wait to get back on these beaches.  It’s so beautiful here.  Toni and I spent ten days here a number of years ago when Jordan was still a toddler. 

Maybe some biking today and the kids want to learn how to surf at this place.  I said I would take surf lessons and they looked at me like I had three heads.  Apparently I’m not the surf type.   I brought a biography of Abraham Lincoln with me that I started last month, so I can read that I guess. :0)

It’s been so great to connect with my family this week.  Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.  Big weekend at Connexus this weekend so I’m starting to wrap my head around that too.  At least I get to think about the message at the beach!

I thought I would remember New York well from the time Toni and spent here shortly after we got married.  And much of it is familiar. Some quick bites from our first day in NYC:

• It was easier to drive through Manhattan than I remembered.  Our GPS failed us though.  The buildings killed the satellite reception.  Jordan and I just
  navigated the old fashioned way.  It was fun to figure it out.

• We dumped the car and grabbed cabs last night.  Taxi drivers are crazier than I remembered.

• Times Square really is fascinating (our hotel is two blocks east of Times Square). The Virgin Mega Store is amazing.  We found Coldplay’s Viva la Vida on vinyl and a different version of The Bravery’s  new CD. 

• The Jonas Brothers are in town.  I won’t link to them, because if you like them, you don’t need the link, and if you don’t like them (like me), you don’t care.  The screaming at MTV was nuts.  Why do we worship each other?  How does that infect even church culture?  That said, I wanted to go see a taping of The Late Show with David Letterman.  You have to be 18 to get tickets though, so that was out for us.  I slightly over 18, but my kids aren’t.  We are all studies in contradictions, aren’t we?

• I would love to do a church tour of NYC.  Lots of them wobbling here on last legs, while others are making an impact (like Tim Keller’s Redeemer).   That’s what I get to do on the Orange Tour where we see churches that are winning with families in their cities.  This fall, I’ll spend at least two days in Seattle, Grand Rapids, Philadelphia and Los Angeles meeting leaders who are making a difference in their cities.  Maybe next time for New York.

• To echo what we’ve talked about at Connexus lately, God has a heart for cities because God has a heart for people.  As we all kind of make up a purpose for life (and mostly ignore God’s), it’s great to imagine how renewed churches, renewed church leaders and renewed families could change the social architecture of North America and the world.

We’re going to change it up today on our little whirlwind vacation.  Have some good New York deli food for lunch, walk around a bit more, and then take off for Hyannis Massachusetts where we’ll spend two days on the beach at Cape Cod.  Haven’t been there in over 10 years either…looking forward to it and grateful for some time with the four of us as a family.

It’s a weird juxtaposition to have the Refuel series on the blog and be taking this trip at the same time.  But the funny thing is that I think they are related.  Two years ago, my desire to have fun and enjoy this life was taxed deeply.  I am so grateful God dragged me out of the pit.  I can see hope again – breathe again.  Even feel joy and dig for deep meaning again.

My family loves The Office. So we detoured en route to NYC to tour downtown Scranton Pennsylvania, which  is "home" to The Office.  We couldn’t find the famous "Welcome to Scranton" sign, but we did hit office landmarks like the Mall at Steamtown, the police station (where Dwight dreams of exercising real authority) and even found Mifflin Street (left) (Dunder-Mifflin….).  Sometimes it’s just fun to do goofy stuff.

The thing I love most about vacation is that its time to build deeper relationships with each other.  The phone doesn’t ring.  There isn’t stuff to do around the house and basically you have each other and a new setting.  That makes for great times. 

We leave for Manhattan in a couple of hours.  I was only there once but loved it.  I love what churches like Redeemer Presbyterian (yup, Presbyterian) are doing to reach a city as diverse, secular and hardcore as New York.  (Hey Connexusers, read Redeemer Pastor Tim Keller’s article on hell.  Wish I had found this before I just preached two weeks on hell. Oh well).

Can’t wait to get there.

To all of you who pray for church leaders and their families, thank you!