Question – who is responsible for your spiritual growth?

One of the thing that breaks my heart in our self-serve culture is the observation that many North American Jesus-followers expect someone else to grow them spiritually.  The number one question I hear church goers ask is "what’s in it for me?"  Should that be the #1 question?  Don’t we have a responsibility as Christians to become self-feeders, people who realize that we have a personal role in growing our relationship with Jesus?  Is our mission not other-centered rather than self-centered?

Is it actually true that, primarily, my spiritual growth is not your responsibility?  To use an analogy, isn’t that like saying that my spiritual growth your responsibility like saying it’s the gym’s responsibility to help me lose weight and get in shape? I can join a gym, hire a trainer, but if I don’t actually show up, or if I choose not to exercise or go at it with half a heart, or work out like crazy and then go for burgers, fries and milkshakes, whose fault is it if I gain 20 lbs?  Is our job as a Christian community to provide the conditions for spiritual growth, but trust people to take the initiative to feed themselves spiritual, both individually and in community? 

What I love about church is that we have people to encourage us, environments (like Sundays and community groups) to provide the stimulus to growth.  All of that is fantastic.  But I get this sinking feeling that many Jesus-followers in this generation haven’t taken personal responsibility for the state of their relationship with God.

So tell me, am I crazy?  Am I wrong on this?  What do you do in your life that helps you grow in relationship with Jesus?  What barriers do you face in the way to growing your faith personally every day? 

These signs just keep grabbing my attention as I bike through the countryside near my home. 

Soybeans…watch it grow.  Seriously?

Not only is the grammar off (isn’t soybeans plural?), but I couldn’t actually imagine how boring my life would have to be to think that sitting by the side of the road watching soybeans grow would be compelling. 

Sadly, I wonder if that’s sometimes what the people who don’t attend our churches think of our church as they drive by.  How boring would my life have to be to actually go to church?  Is there anything compelling that would grab them or draw them in? 

I mean what do we put on our signs? Everyone welcome.  That’s gripping.

Or for a lot of contemporary church leaders, we like the convey the fact that we’re cool.  But can’t you get cool just about anywhere these days?  I mean it’s good we’re not complete nerds, but is that honestly what people are looking for?

This sign made me think about what would cause people to drop everything to get in on what’s going on in our communities.

All I could think of was this:  love.  Love fully expressed in Jesus.  Grace, forgiveness, healing, authentic relationship.  People are dying for love.  You can’t put love on a sign, but you can live it.  Express it.

What if people who came in any form of contact with Christians completely felt loved?  What would happen?  What if we went way beyond the walls of our facilities and loved radically?

It would certainly be more compelling that watching soybeans grow.  Or knowing people are welcome. Or that we’re cool.

Love.  What do you think would cause people to come running to get in on what God is doing?

I spent yesterday afternoon at home with a crew from Global TV.  They were doing some of their final shooting for a documentary to be broadcast this fall (October is the tentative broadcast month). They’re calling the documentary "Hip to be Holy" (quirkily neat title).  They interviewed a bunch of churches doing innovative stuff, but are using Connexus as the focal point.

Spent two hours being interviewed.  They’re a great crew so it was a lot of fun, but the questions intrigued me.  A lot of the interview focused on the way we do church v. "normal" which was cool.

But about a third of the interview had to do with hot button issues in the culture.  What was my view on abortion…gay marriage…would I baptize a practicing homosexual…should Canada become a Christian nation…what about a political agenda for new kinds of churches…what do I think of the televangelists (I’m not telling my answers, you’ll have to tune in, if they even make the edit).

Yesterday drove home the fact that so many of us Jesus-followers are known for what we are against. They asked me what a stereotypical image of an evangelical Christian might be that a non-Christian would have.  I had two answers:

1. I’m not sure non-churched people think about us that much.
2. When they do, it’s not good.  We’re seen as judgmental, hypocritical, agenda-driven and even angry.

Even with the progress that we and numerous other churches have made (thank you, God!) in terms of redefining Sundays, ministry and community, we still have this HUGE image problem.  I know if people could just get to Jesus, they’d love Him (or at least many would).  But so often I stand in the way still.  Our image stands in the way.

How do we tackle this?  How can our lives, our communities of Jesus-followers, better show Christ’s love?  What can we do?  How can I live differently?

Just some questions as the sinking-realization of the enormity of the task sets in once again.

Maybe this documentary will help reverse some of that stereotype.  Maybe this weekend at Connexus or your church do to turn the tide?  But what can all of us do to turn the tide?

We’ve had a lot of conversations at our Service Programming meetings (where we plan the weekend services) about what elements to include in our weekend services. I’ve also got a dialogue going with several friends who are not nearly as comfortable engaging culture.

Here’s the kind of discussions we’re having. For our heaven and hell series coming up in August (calling it Stairway to Heaven/Highway to Hell) we’ve already scratched doing Highway to Hell live, only because we weren’t sure it was appropriate.  This line put us over the edge: Hey satan, payed my dues/playing in a rocking band/Hey momma, look at me/I’m on my way to the promised land.  So even though we titled the sermon that way, we’re not going to use the song intact (we may mangle it or play with it a bit somehow). It pushes us out a bit far as Jesus-followers, we thought.  But we are firmly committed to engaging culture to reach the culture.

Some Christians are definitely in the camp of "all culture is bad".  But I just can’t live in an antiseptic bubble where everything is filtered out.  The line many of us quote most often in the Bible says God loves the world, but you’d never know it the way many Christ-followers live.

A lot of mainstream music is sugar sweet pop or a blatant celebration of sin, but a lot isn’t.  It all tells us something about the longings of the human heart and the issues people are really struggling with.  Take Coldplay’s new CD, for example.  The lyrics of a song like Yes or Cemeteries of London.  The fact that artists (musical and novelists and so many more) are asking theological questions should make leaders sit up and take notice.  God is on their agenda.  We’re not, but shouldn’t we be?

Similarly, with things like doing tattoos during a service and handing out chocolate as an illustration tied to sex before marriage, we’re trying to make ties between everyday life and culture. Because God is about making the link between life and culture.

I know most of the people who read this blog engage culture deeply.  I’m sure some are not quite as convinced.  What are your boundaries?  What works for you, doesn’t work for you?  What engages you?  What connects?

It occurred to me a few years ago that although I had grown up in church, church and fun generally didn’t go together.   So we tried to make our experiences as a community of Jesus followers more fun. Then we met some friends a few years ago who made us look boring. North Point, Connexus’ big-daddy church affiliate, and our good friends at Orange, know how to have fun.  They notched it up a level or two.

Last night my kids and I sat down to watch I Survived a Japanese Game Show, a really kitch show about ten Americans who end up on a zany Japanese Game show.  It was just funny at every level, and it made me think again about how church people rarely think outside the box.  Not that we’re going for crazy stunts, but our God is way more creative and imaginative than most of his followers are.

As I was writing this post, I just got off the phone with a woman I haven’t met who attends our Orillia Campus.  She brought her boyfriend for the first time two weeks ago.  He hadn’t been to church for years, and his comment was "this isn’t like any church I’ve ever been at before, period."  For him that was a good thing.  One of the things he had was "fun".  The service engaged him and didn’t have any boring religious mumbo jumbo. It bothers me that so many unchurched people write off church because, among other things, we’re just boring.

As you think about making fun, shock, surprise and delight as words that might one day describe some of your church experiences, here’s why I’m committed to becoming more creative as time goes on:

• Humour disarms people.  If people laugh, their defenses go down and they are far more ready to hear a hard truth.
• Fun helps makes environments irresistible.  It makes people want to come back.  Truthfully, most non-church attenders never want to go back to a church they’ve just visited.
• Fun should be appropriate, and ideally it should make a point.  Best yet is when it accentuates the key point in your message.
• Fun, humour, shock and surprise makes things memorable.  A couple weeks ago during our God and Sex series, we handed out gourmet chocolate bars with a cryptic message on them, encouraging people to wait and not open them.  Naturally, by the time we explained what we were doing, many had opened it and chowed down all or part of their bars.  The message was on waiting with sex for marriage, and then we revealed that everyone who didn’t open their chocolate bars would be given another one on the way out – similar to the way sex is more of a blessing if people wait for marriage. I poked gentle fun at people who had opened their chocolate bar and been "caught."  It was a cool and funny moment, and I think it helped people remember the "wait" message well!  Then, as an act of grace, we gave everyone an extra chocolate bar as they left.

The last thing I want church to be is boring.  Because God, actually, is not boring.  Not in the least.

How comfortable are you with ‘fun’ in church?  What are other things things has humour and fun helped you accomplish in church?

Having two sons means I am being urged on a daily basis to be cooler than I was yesterday. So in a move no parent should make, as we were driving to Barrie Sunday I asked both my boys whether I should get a motorcyle and whether we could it sell it to their mom as an environmentally conscious/money saving move.  (Please do not try this at home).

We had a lot of fun with that idea.  We agreed it should be a speed bike, like a Ninja 500, not a hog. We were pretty pumped about the "this will save a pile of money" and "imagine the carbon footprint" angle we dreamed up in our head. This wasn’t really our motivation, but it sounded so good.

Then came dinner and I broached the subject.  My gracious bride, who is used to living with three men, didn’t completely choke on her food.  We imagined how long it would take before I was in a serious accident (probably not long) but persisted as we thought about how much money we would save.

Then we did the math.  The Ninja would get 20 mpg more than my car…I could drive it every day for six months of the year (it does snow here)….We pulled out the calculators at the dinner table.  And then we discovered that the Ninja would pay for itself by the gas it saved if I drove it every day for…are you ready….55 years.  We double checked the math.  Yep. 55 years. 

I would have to drive the stupid thing till I was well over 90 to make it pay for itself.

Stupid idea.  Stupid logic. 

Next time, I have to do the math before I raise the subject.  Darn it. 

I noticed something weird last week. As I thought about it, I realized it had been happening for a while.  Yesterday confirmed it again.

Over the last few months, Sundays have energized me.  They leave me with more energy, more joy, more enthusiasm than I had when I got there early in the morning.  Now that may sound weird to the non preachers reading this post, because after all, that’s what worship is supposed to do, right?

But the truth is, for years prior to this (okay, maybe a decade), Sundays left me drained and rather anti-social.  I would get home exhausted and burned out.  I would sleep on the couch and generally retreat.  It would often last two days.  Even though I would go to work the next day, my knuckles would drag. And I know from talking to many preachers over the years that I’m not alone.  I thought it came with the territory, and I eventually ended up justifying some of it as biblical. 

So I started to wonder, why am I driving home with a smile on my face these days?  Why did I love not only preaching two services, but then going to a park and serving our volunteers for three hours yesterday? I even have to get up way earlier to do this! It’s not like the first seven months of Connexus were a cake walk.  Far from it. What kind of energy and joy is this that is emerging?  Where is it coming from?  The truth is, I really don’t know, but I’m grateful for it.  Here are some tentative reasons:

• We are actually impacting the unchurched at a deeper level than before.  I have had more conversations with people who have no church background in the last six months than in the previous five years combined.
• Our volunteers and leadership team are aligned at a better level than before, really wanting to do this kind of ministry.  We spend almost no time justifying the kind of ministry we’re doing and almost all our time trying to figure out how to do it better.
• Our ministry is more focused than ever before.  The few environments we run are designed to facilitate our mission.  That means our time and resources are focused on a goal we find worth pursuing.
• People are giving with their lives and resources at a deeper level than ever before.  And having hundreds of people using their gifts in tight alignment with a common mission and strategy is incredibly empowering.  I honestly an amazed every week to see people serve hard and long with huge smiles on their faces.

I guess I’m deeply grateful to the people who are making this journey to become Connexus.  You energize me.  And I’m grateful to God for the opportunity to roll up our sleeves and dig deep into what I pray will be a long, dramatic run into the lives of the 85% of our friends, family and neighbours who are not in a growing relationship with Jesus.

What energizes or drains you in ministry, as a staff member or volunteer?

So my parents tell me I quit just about every sport they enrolled me in.  I guess I was a six year old in serious need of character development. Shoulda stuck with it.

Despite my secret desire as a young dad to keep my kids out of sports, my ever-sensible and sporty bride prevailed. So tonight a whole bunch of us head off to watch Sam (#34, click the photo to enlarge it) and his friends play football.  I like the winning part – they are 2-0.  Last week, we named the team "Orange Crush" in honour of their style of play.  I like that too.

But what I love most about my guys playing sports is the life-lessons they’ve learned.  Here are some things I wished I learned from sports when I was a kid:

• Helping matters as much as leading.  In hockey, another Nieuwhof house-hold fave sport, assists are worth as much as goals.
• Play your Position: everyone doing their part makes a far better effort than a couple of all-stars trying to do it all themselves.
• Follow the Play-book.  Strategy matters, and pre-thinking plays helps everyone win.
• Everything is Interrelated.  What you eat and how you rest affects game time.
• Listen to the Coach. You grow wiser by following an experienced lead.
• Discipline is your friend.  Disciplined players are always better players.  Self-discipline is one of the hardest arts adults have to master.

What did you learn from playing sports as a kid.  Or, like me, what did you wish you’d learned?

As I get further along in this journey with Jesus, more and more I want to learn how to pray like a grown up.  What do I mean by this?  I mean I want to learn to pray about things matter to God, not just to me. 

It’s like what happens when a child grows up.  Our toddler years are spent demanding our way and and wanting what we want – even hitting, grabbing and biting to get it.  Even polite toddlers have a hard time thinking beyond themselves daily to care for the needs of others.  There’s a lot of toddler in the church today if you monitor the prayers and behaviour of Christians.  Why do we always want God to do what we want?

Hopefully as child matures, he or she begins to care about others – family, friends, neighbours, the world.  Life stops being about "me" and "mine."  Do Christians really get that?  Not sure.

I think Jesus was powerful in prayer because he used prayer and scripture to access the mind and heart of God, and to pray for the wisdom to align His life with that mind and heart.  We are at our best when we do the same, and at our worst when we use prayer and scripture to get God to do and say what we want.  We talk about becoming spiritually mature, but maybe part of growing up means that we choose to change to a new way of praying.

I love your prayers on the blog this week.  As we head into the weekend, what if we shifted our prayer to align our prayer more and more with the heart and mind of God as we understand it through the Bible?  What if we prayed that our lives would spill over with love?  What if we prayed for God to use us to extend His love to others?  What if we prayed for our actions to be Christ-focused and others-centered?  What if?

What would need to change for you to begin to pray differently?

I am totally grateful for your replies so far on If I Could Only Pray About One Thing. Some great things, and I’m delighted to see so many "big" prayers.  That’s cool.

I think my one prayer might be very simple: Lord, fill me with love. 

Sometimes I think if I could love, I’d do so much better at everything:

• Would love force me to lay down my selfishness?
• Would love help me see the good in others more clearly?
• Would love help me set healthy boundaries?
• Would love make me more generous?
• Would love help me control my personal actions?
• Does love unlock the fruits of the Spirit?  (Compare Galatians 5: 16-25 with 1 Corinthians 13.)

Here’s my question: if you prayed for Christ’s love to fill you completely, what other request would that not "cover" or put into perspective?

Really curious.  Haven’t tested this before.  I’d love to think this one through with you.  Is a prayer to be filled with Christ’s love really the ‘ultimate’ prayer?